Relationship One

The Story:

I was a shy 15-year-old tenth grader. I was intelligent in a nerdy way which wasn't terribly cool. I also was a bit chunky, funny-looking, and I wore weird clothes. Of course, I had been dealing with all of these things since I was 11, so it wasn't really a surprise. However, that didn't make me feel any better. I was that awkward girl that guys loved to talk to about their girl problems, but no guy had ever taken an interest in at least to my, and all of my girl friends', knowledge. This was kind of a big deal.

This was also the first year of my life that I was learning how to live with faith in God. Due to another dramatic and traumatic boy experience in ninth grade, I fell deep into a pit of pain that only God could lift me out of, and for the first time in my life He became relational to me. So there I was, making changes, screwing some things up, making some things better, and all the while still feeling a hole inside of me that cried out to be filled. I was lonely. I wanted to be special to someone. I wanted a boyfriend.

I got to be closer friends with a boy named Chris that year. He was a very quiet guy, but when he opened up I found that he was smart and interesting. Before the end of sophomore year, I decided I had a crush on him. I can't remember how we discovered that we both were interested in the other person, but I can imagine that either our friends pieced us together or the truth came out one night on our good friend MSN Messenger.

Finally! Someone liked ME! I remember that I asked him basic questions about what he believed about God and faith and such. It was important enough to me at that point that I wanted someone who was on the same page as I was. He seemed to answer the right answers, and I'm sure that it wasn't long before we started dating.

How exciting it was to have someone whose attention was focused on me! I had someone to steal a sweatshirt from not to mention some firsts to look forward to. In particular, holding hands and maybe getting kissed were on my mind. Sure enough, it wasn't terribly long before his hand sneaked over to mine during a movie. I also remember vividly the night after a beach bonfire. He walked me up to the parking lot when my mom was supposed to pick me up, and for awhile our friends were yelling at him from the beach. As I found out later, they were apparently encouraging him to kiss me. He did. A quick peck on the lips that probably made my eyes grow wide and my cheeks blush.

My mom had to stop in Safeway after picking me up, and I sat in the car and pondered about that night. I thought about how it felt, and I remember how it didn't feel like the magic that I expected. It was nice, but not a fireworks moment. I definitely had expected a fireworks moment with a first kiss. I also contemplated what it would be like to tell my girl friends the next time I talked to them.

We spent time together over the first month of summer hanging out with friends or going to the beach together. We had fun and enjoyed the relationship. However, one conversation at the beach stopped me in my tracks. Remember, I said that I asked him about his basic beliefs before we started dating. However, during this one conversations, I learned for the first time that people can say the same words and mean different things. I was amazed and overwhelmed by the fact that a belief that I thought we both held was something that I was alone with. I couldn't contain my disappointment as I burst into tears.

I can't remember how long I spent in stress about this new discovery. I loathed the idea of breaking up, but I also was horrified by staying with someone who didn't share all of my fundamental values. I do remember that late one night I realized I had to break up with Chris, and I experienced unspeakable pain from what felt like my insides tearing apart. I couldn't handle the pain alone, so I somehow managed to get both of my parents awake and in the kitchen while I shared my agony. I don't remember what we said to each other, but they listened to me, and I went to bed again later with all of us knowing what would happen the next day.

I took a bus into Newport the following morning to help a friend's family prepare for a wedding. The irony was not lost on me. I avoided telling my friends about what was going to happen that afternoon because I knew that if I spoke, the dam would break and my tears would be unstoppable. Instead, I waited until I was done helping, and I went to talk with Chris.

He had seen it coming. I told him that I couldn't date him anymore, and he graciously let me cry all over him. Fortunately, I think that we had planned so that my mom would pick me up not too long after I got to Chris' house, so I don't think I had to stay in that situation for long.

We stayed friendly afterward. However, it was very difficult to stay friends because when I was with him, I always missed holding hands and enjoying the attention that he gave me. I realized that I was addicted to dating, in a sense, and I spent the following few months trying to live life in a way that convinced myself that I was alright without having a boyfriend. I even became fairly confident that I was alright. Not long after that, I formed a new relationship, but that's another story.

Reflections: I look back at this relationship and realize that I was honestly fairly silly to get into it in the first place. While Chris was a nice guy, there were warning signs even before dating that perhaps he wasn't the best person for me to form a relationship with. I am glad that I had as good of an experience as I did for my first relationship, but I really rushed into things. I don't have regrets here. I was young and learning, and the experience helped me to grow.

A Relationships Series

After I wrote my post on love and romance, someone suggested that I tell the stories of each relationship a little more completely. I will try to tell the story first by simply including events and emotions. However, because I am extremely reflective by nature, I probably won't be able to stop myself from including a little reflection at the very end.

As a note, these stories will have been approved by the men before I post them.

You can probably expect Relationship One, Relationship Two, and Relationship Three to appear in not-too-distant future. :)

Love and Romance

I have dated three people in my lifetime. At the end of my sophomore year during 2003, I dated someone for two months. In 2004, I began dating a new person. We dated for 13 months, and he graduated and left for college (in California) during that time. We went through the agony of a distance relationship for that entire school year until he came back in May and broke up with me. When I went to college that fall, I met Matthew and we became friends. In January of 2006 we began dating, and since then we have shared five years of a mixture of dating, engagement and marriage.

There. That's my history. Now you'll know a bit about where I'm coming from.

As a teenage girl, I constantly wanted a boyfriend. The idea of a close male friend with whom I could hold hands, hug, and cuddle was exciting and produced warm fuzzies. I wanted to be loved. What is interesting is that at that point in life, I had learned about love from two main sources. My parents taught me about love. They love each other and have "put up with each other" through thick and thin for almost 30 years now. However, their love for each other was not nearly as exciting as the love in the chick flicks that I watched as a teenager. Chick flicks are full of romance, wining and dining, and random extreme acts of devotion proving the man's love for the woman. Naturally, this type of love of appealed to me!

I believe that the young man that I dated for 13 months sincerely loved me and cared for me. However, not once during those months did he get me flowers! To me, flowers were a symbol of love, and it bothered me that he never gave me any. Not only this, but he seemed to be incapable of the romantic gestures that I imagined receiving from a man who loved me. I told him that this bothered me, and if I remember correctly, I think that he said that he simply didn't understand why romantic gestures were important and thus he didn't see the reason to provide them.

Looking back, I realize that I put a lot of pressure on him to show love in a way that wasn't natural for him. I don't know if that is why he felt like he needed to end the relationship, but I certainly would understand if that was part of it. The thing is, when our relationship was going smoothly, I knew that he loved me. I just felt like love was supposed to look a certain way, so I kept pushing for things to change.

Along comes Matthew, and while we were dating, I found that he had the ability to show the occasional "romantic gesture." However, just like before, it really wasn't a big part of the relationship. Perhaps I had learned my lesson because neither Matthew nor I remember me complaining. Matthew really loved me, and I knew that.

Now that we've been together for years, I consider what the significance of romance is to our marriage. At first, I was concerned that we were doing marriage wrong because I have heard a lot of people say that you have to "keep the spark" and make sure to "keep some romance in the relationship."

Yet, even without the romantic gestures, I honestly feel like our relationship remains happy and fresh. I love him as much, if not more, than when we got married. Although I do become grumpy with him at times, he definitely brings an extra-large amount of joy into my life.

What works for us is spending a lot of time in conversation. We talk about the future, the past and now. We talk about politics, philosophy, religions, problems in the world, hopes, dreams, and anything else that comes up. We stay close. What works is showing affection. We are pretty huggy and kissy people. What works is helping each other out in the name of love. He makes my lunch in the morning because I'm slow. I will make dinner or wash dishes when he's busy at a meeting or doing homework. What works is spending time with each other.

I don't want you to believe that I am against romantic gestures. I think that they're great! However, I want to get the idea out there that perhaps they are not vital for a healthy, happy, loving relationship, and, in fact, perhaps it is harmful to expect people to fit into a mold. I have learned that apparently I tend to like guys who show their love differently. I realize that all I really need and long for is love, and the rest was just something that I thought that I was supposed to need but truly am fine without. The love in each healthy relationship probably looks as unique as the people in the relationship.

"Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit."

--Peter Ustinov

Bagels

I'm going to be completely honest. Homemade bagels fresh from the oven actually taste even better than homemade bread fresh from the oven.

Ingredients:

2 1/2 tsp active dry yeast

2 1/2 cups warm milk (110-115 degrees F)

1/2 cup vegetable oil

1/4 cup sugar

2 tsp salt

1 egg

7 cups (approximately) all-purpose and/or bread flour

cornmeal and any addings/toppings you want

Instructions:

1) Stir the yeast into the warm milk. Add the vegetable oil, sugar, salt and egg, and mix well.

2) Add enough of the flour to form a soft dough. Turn out onto a surface and kneed until smooth and elastic. Add flour as necessary is you find your dough remains sticky while kneeding.

3) Place in a greased bowl turning once to grease the top. Let rise for an hour.

4) Punch down and shape into 16 balls. Press through the center to create the bagel hole. Cover and let rise for 10 minutes.

5) In a large saucepan, bring water to a boil. When boiling, drop bagels into the water for around 3 minutes. With a slotted spoon, flip each bagel partway through the boiling time. Meanwhile, place cornmeal onto a cookie sheet where you are going to place each bagel. When the bagels finish boiling, using the slotted spoon, place them onto the cookie sheet an inch or two apart.

6) Bake at 400 degree Fahrenheit for about 17 minutes.

Note: The bagels in the pictures are cheddar cheese bagels. We place bits of cheese on top after boiling the bagels. You can also add other flavors like raisins, cinnamon, blueberries, sesame seeds, etc. I've added them while shaping the bagels, but if you want only one flavor perhaps you can add it before the dough rises? I haven't tried that yet.

Shampoo Update

I talked about making household products here, and I said I was trying a castile soap shampoo. I'm not going to lie; it really didn't work for me. Fortunately, I've found that an even simpler "shampoo" works nicely for my hair, so the castile stuff will be used for body wash instead.

What I use now is baking soda and water. I put about 1 Tbsp of baking soda per cup of water in an old shampoo bottle. When I shower, I shake it up and squirt it along my scalp, massage, and then rinse. I still use the vinegar rinse.

I kind of missed the enjoyment of good smells while cleaning my hair, so I added a couple drops of essential oils. Currently I'm using lemongrass, and I smell like lemonheads right after I shower. :)

Baking Day!

Our oven was broken for three weeks, and today we had our first baking day since it got fixed. It seemed like a good time to celebrate on the blog! You can see the banana muffins, chocolate chip cookies (about to go in the oven as the picture was taken!), honey wheat bread, cup pies, wheat crackers (hiding in a tupperware in the back), turnip casserole, and chicken pot pie!

I hope that you agree that cup pies are pretty much just adorable. They are also a great way to use up the trimmings of pie crust so that you don't have to throw anything out.

Homemade bread... Enough said.

Thanks for celebrating baking day with me!

How to make your own yogurt

I've mentioned homemade yogurt before, but I figured that it deserves it own post. Here's where I got the original instructions.

What you need:

Thermos

1 Tbsp of your old batch of plain yogurt

An amount of milk that fits into your thermos

Pan or Pyrex to heat milk

Thermometer

How to:

1. Bring the milk to a boil either on the stove or in the microwave.

2. Let the milk cool to 50 degrees Celsius (about 122 degrees Fahrenheit)

3. Put the tablespoon of yogurt and the cooled-down milk into the thermos.

4. Close the thermos and let sit for 8-14 hours.

5. Open up the thermos and be amazed! Scoop your yogurt into a container.

6. Add any flavors (like berries) or sweeteners (like honey) that you want, but make sure you always have some plain yogurt around for your next batch!

Note: You might want to allow some of the whey to pour out before scooping out your yogurt. Additionally, if you like thicker yogurt, you can strain more whey off by using cheesecloth or a wire sieve. Save the whey! You can use the whey in baking, soups, etc.

We've been doing this for at least a couple months now, and it has worked great. However, here are a few pointers to keep you from having the same little pitfalls in the beginning. First, the milk really does need to be heated to boiling. It denatures the proteins so that the bacteria can make the milk into yogurt. Second, the thermos is necessary. The bacteria need the milk to stay warm so that they can keep doing their work. Third, the yogurt tends to stick to our thermos, but I found that letting it soak in some water with vinegar and baking soda before scrubbing it helps.

Enjoy!

Kenny's Dandelion

My brother saw this picture first, and he was sad that it didn't end up on the blog. So here is Kenny's dandelion. It's a little dark and moody, perhaps like he is. Restless as it tosses in the wind, maybe.

Kenny says, "I empathize more with the seeds when they are being scattered, lost."

What that means, perhaps only he understands. But here's to you, dear brother.

The rest of my CD art...

Once I get going on a fun project, it's really difficult to stop. Fortunately, I felt free to take some homework breaks today to finish painting and designing the last few CDs that I had. You'll see that one of them was inspired by the design on the top of my blog. :)

Fun!!!

Instructions:

1) Paint the shiny side of the CD with acrylic paint. A dark-ish color is best.

2) Let it dry!

3) Use something to scrape out a design. I used a little bitty screwdrive in the first one, but I had more success with the next three by just using the lead of my mechanical pencil.

4) Get excited about the awesomeness that you just made!

CD Art

A friend from high school had a link to an idea for CD art on her blog:

http://endearingenigma.blogspot.com/2011/01/little-links-11311.html

I thought it looked pretty fun, and we have some old unusable CD's around, so I made one. You can see how my first effort turned out! I'm not terribly good with a camera, so I think I lost some of the awesome in the picture, but you get the idea.

I have a few more to make, and I need to find a home for them. Hopefully I'll remember to post another picture when they're all done. :)

Popcorn!

I don't know about you, but I think popcorn is pretty great. However, the price, amount of packaging, and nasty stuff added in when you buy bags of microwave popcorn is not great!

I looked around online, and I found out that you can pop bulk popcorn in the microwave really easily. What I do is put a couple tablespoons of seeds and a bit of olive oil in the bottom of a large-ish Pyrex bowl, cover it up (with something that vents air), and put it in the microwave for a few minutes until the popping slows way down. It's super easy, and super fun to watch if you easily entertained like I am! :)

One benefit to this is the lowered cost. I can buy two cups of organic popcorn seeds for about $1. Yeah. I think that's good too.

I really like that I control what goes on top of the popcorn, too. I always put seasonings in a little bowl with a bit of olive oil and then drizzle it onto the popcorn so that they don't just fall to the bottom. I haven't been too adventuresome yet... We've just added a little salt, garlic powder, or cinnamon sugar so far. I can imagine that there might be some yummy flavor ideas out there though. Dried basil and parmesan? Maybe...

Other ideas?

God is in the Everyday: Prayer

I'm going to use this post to talk about my experiences with prayer. I have had some pretty discouraging experiences with this, and I have felt guilt and negative pressure about prayer, so I hope that this will help encourage some people who perhaps have felt similarly.

During high school, I made a conscious decision to live a life of faith in God. At the time, part of my understanding was that there were a few things that I was supposed to do to be a good Christian. Perhaps the biggest "requirement" was that I was supposed to "have God-time daily" which included "reading the Bible and praying," and as a result I could expect to have a "spiritual experience." Some of my friends and I regularly discussed how we were doing on this goal. There were also unspoken bonus points for 1) spending a certain LONG time with God (an hour would certainly win points), 2) getting up early in the morning to spend time with God, 3) being moved to tears.

As I look back and read what I just wrote, I realize it sounds like we weren't being genuine and honest with ourselves. That is probably true (at least about me), and I'm sure that it made me/us less effective and satisfied. However, I believe that most of my friends and I were legitimately trying to do what was right.

In college, I continued to try to do the spiritual things I thought were requirements for the good Christian college freshman. Finding a church, finding a Bible study, still "having daily God-time," etc. Naturally, this still included trying to be a good at praying. I felt like I needed to daily spend a long single period in silent discussion with God. What this lead to was an intense amount of guilt because I found the my mind often just wandered. If not that, then I often felt guilty if I missed a day or two.

It got to the point that a few years ago I just gave up trying to spend that lengthy time praying. I was so frustrated and guilt-ridden that I couldn't do it anymore. I was trying my best to "be a good Christian," and I seriously felt like I was a failure.

This brings us to recent times and to why this is in the God is in the Everyday series. As I think I have made clear, in the past year I have felt closer in relationship with God than I have in years. However, I still don't regularly sit or lie down and pray for a long period of time.

What works for me right now primarily is sincerely praying to God throughout the day. When I am thankful, worried, upset, happy, or excited, I send my message to God. When someone around me is hurting, I ask for peace. When I am feeling impatient, I ask for patience. I also listen. I don't claim to have ever heard God saying a sentence to me, but I do think I receive patience, encouragement, love, and many other things. I also use mealtimes and bedtime as a time in the day to just "check in."

I am not saying that I don't think that there's never a time for longer prayers or that there is anything wrong with them. I just have personally found that they work best for me on specific occasions and not as a strictly-scheduled tool.

In summary, I think it is a huge blessing to have a God by our side every moment of every day. Just like with Matthew, I enjoy sharing pieces of information, gratitude, and emotion with God throughout the day, and I also enjoy a longer conversation when appropriate. Just like with Matthew, I feel like my relationship with God should take tending and care, but it shouldn't be forced. With this attitude, I feel like I can have a real, solid, healthy relationship, which is what I have wanted the whole time.

Crockpot Granola

I have been eating this for a snack all week with frozen blueberries and milk. This stuff is AMAZING.

Ingredients:

5 cup Oats

1/2 cup Coconut oil

1/2 cup Honey

1 tsp Vanilla Extract

1 tsp Cinnamon, Ground

1/4 cup Coconut, Shredded -- unsweetened

Instructions:

Mix in the crockpot, and cook until brown (3-5 hours) on low. Stir occasionally.

Note: This is adapted from http://homewithpurpose.blogspot.com/2009/10/crockpot-granola.html

I tend to not bother to measure things when I'm cooking, and I think I probably use a little less honey and coconut oil than listed above. It's a pretty flexible recipe... Find what you like!

Homemade Household Products

After learning how many harmful chemicals are allowed in shampoos, soaps, lotions and the like, I felt motivated to go out and find alternatives. There are some natural options in stores, but even those sometimes have sketchy ingredients (not to mention an expensive price!) I went online and did some searching, and here are some of my findings.

First of all, most of these recipes will have castile soap in them. This is a simple soap primarily made from vegetable oils. I buy Dr. Bronner's castile soap.

Soap

We like using liquid soap to wash our hands, so I found a simple way to make bar soap into liquid soap. Bar soap is cheaper and uses less packaging, so this seemed like the way to go.

Ingredients: 4-5 oz. bar of castile soap, 1 gallon water, essential oil (optional)

Instructions: Find them at http://www.casasugar.com/DIY-Eco-Liquid-Soap-1734577

Lotion

I've really enjoyed this simple lotion.

Ingredients: 1/4 cup olive oil, 1 1/4 cup water, 1/4 cup emulsifying wax, essential oil (optional)

Instructions: Find them at http://www.wabisabibaby.com/blog/2008/how-to-make-an-all-natural-lotion-with-only-3-ingredients/

Shampoo

I just started using this a few days ago. The first day my hair felt really weird and kind of oily. I read that some people go through an adjustment period as you stop stripping your hair of its oils by using standard shampoo. Each day since then my hair has felt better and better though, so we'll see. I hear castile soap shampoos work just fine for some people, so even if this doesn't end up working for me...

Ingredients: 2 cups hot chamomile tea, 3 Tbsp grated castile soap, 1 Tbsp glycerin, essential oil (optional)

Instructions: http://organic.lovetoknow.com/Organic_Shampoo_Recipes

Another thing I've heard works well is a ratio of 1 Tbsp of baking soda to 1 cup of water. You just pour this on the scalp and work it in with your fingers. I might try this out too and see which works best for my hair.

Conditioner

Vinegar is AMAZING conditioner. The first day I used it I was surprised at how soft and tangle-free my hair was. You just need to put around 1 Tbsp of vinegar per cup of water. I put it in a spray bottle that I had sitting around, and it's super easy! I've used white vinegar so far since that's what I had, but I just bought some cider vinegar since people suggested that it smells better. Speaking of the smell... It will smell a bit while you use it, but I've never been able to smell it after my hair dries.

Laundry Detergent

I used this once so far, and it seemed to work no better or worse than our old detergent. Our clothes looked and smelled clean, and that's all I ask for. :)

Ingredients: 3 cups borax, 3 cups washing soda (NOT baking soda!), 5 oz bar of castile soap

Instructions: Finely grate the soap. Stir all ingredient together. Store in a closed container and use 1-2 Tbsp per load.

I used almond castile soap because I liked the smell, but it doesn't smell very strongly after you wash the clothes anyway.

Parsnip Fritters

This is a recipe as found in a email from the First Alternative Co-op of Corvallis. Parsnips are a root vegetable that grows in the Willamette Valley during the winter. We're doing our best to eat more local food, so I had to try this out. It has an interesting mix of flavors that I enjoyed and Matthew was fairly ambivalent about. We used a large egg, slightly less milk, and 1 1/2 tsp of dried rosemary, and it turned out fine. I hope you enjoy the recipe if you try it!

Recipe: Parsnip Fritters

1 medium egg

1 pound parsnips, grated

3/4 cup milk

1/4 cup flour

1/2 tsp baking powder

1 tsp salt

1/2 tsp freshly ground black pepper

1/2 cup feta

1 tbsp fresh rosemary

2 tbsp butter or oil

Lightly beat the egg and milk in a mixing bowl and add grated parsnip, rosemary and feta. Mix dry ingredients in a separate bowl and stir into the wet ingredients. Put the butter in teaspoon-sized pats on a medium-hot griddle and scoop 1/3 cup of batter on top of each butter pat. Flatten slightly to form six 4” cakes. Allow the fritters to sizzle gently in the butter or oil until they are well-browned and crisp on the underside, about 5 minutes. Flip and cook 3 minutes more or until cooked through. Serve with homemade aioli & try adding your own fresh herbs for variations!

God is in the Everyday: Relationships

This is my second installment in the "God is in the Everyday" series. I will continue to explain why I don't think it is necessary to be on a mission trip, getting an emotional high, at church, or "doing something amazing" to be loving God and living a meaningful life.

If you are not a hermit, you probably have at least a few relationships. It might be a family member, friend, coworker, or cashier you regularly see, but you probably regularly relate to someone! I believe that God is a huge fan of relationships, and I think that He probably cheers us on as we treat each other carefully with love.

In my experience with my husband, I have found that marriage is an everyday experience that challenges a person to love more selflessly. It is also a rewarding experience as we watch ourselves successfully grow together in love despite patches of grumpiness and frustrations. I wrote a little bit more about marriage over a year ago here: http://insideout7.blogspot.com/2009/09/marriage.html

In general, I have found marriage to be a great way to remember and experience love for God each day.

Also important to me are friendships. I have friendships with people who share my faith in God, and I have friendships with people who don't share my beliefs. When people share my beliefs, there is sometimes an easy rhythm of encouragement and understanding. I would not give up my friendships with people who don't agree with me for anything, though! It's not always easy to deal with differences, but I learn a lot and receive love from these friends. Although I don't always do it well, I try to love them with God's love despite differences. I believe there is a lot of healing and hope in God, and I want this for them, but I think people sometimes need to meet and like God first. I always hope that people can meet God through me. Perhaps they still don't believe what I believe, but I want people to know through their relationship with me that God isn't an angry man in the sky. Rather, He is someone who is interested in them and would rather like to sit down and have a chat with them.

I think that I will leave it up to your imagination to figure out how God is in your relationships with your children, coworkers, acquaintances, etc. I find it enjoyable to think about, though. Because people are so important, it is nice to remember how significant each type of relationship is.

A lamp!

Matthew's dad had a lamp that he didn't want anymore, but it didn't have a lampshade. We had been using a desk lamp on our bedside table. While functional, it didn't break my heart to replace it. Now it can be used as intended... on a desk!

I made this lampshade out of some fabric remnants from other projects, an old wire hanger, and two embroidery hoops found at Goodwill. I'm pretty happy about how it turned out. :)

What's best about living simply...

Someone today asked me what I liked best about the changes we've made this year when trying to live simply. I had to really think about it because it's hard to really pin down a favorite thing that we do. I'm not sure that I gave her a sufficient answer, but I have thought about it a bit more since and here's what I have come up with.

My favorite thing about living simply is that it makes me feel more content/happy and more whole. It is satisfying. For me, it is a way to live out my faith daily inside of our complicated society. Doing what we do turns our focus away from ourselves, and it constantly forces us to make decisions out of love. It just feels so good to do.

I could write a longer post about the reasons changes we've made feel good, but I just want to leave this one short. Just let me know if you want me to explain more. :)