God is in the Everyday: Prayer

I'm going to use this post to talk about my experiences with prayer. I have had some pretty discouraging experiences with this, and I have felt guilt and negative pressure about prayer, so I hope that this will help encourage some people who perhaps have felt similarly.

During high school, I made a conscious decision to live a life of faith in God. At the time, part of my understanding was that there were a few things that I was supposed to do to be a good Christian. Perhaps the biggest "requirement" was that I was supposed to "have God-time daily" which included "reading the Bible and praying," and as a result I could expect to have a "spiritual experience." Some of my friends and I regularly discussed how we were doing on this goal. There were also unspoken bonus points for 1) spending a certain LONG time with God (an hour would certainly win points), 2) getting up early in the morning to spend time with God, 3) being moved to tears.

As I look back and read what I just wrote, I realize it sounds like we weren't being genuine and honest with ourselves. That is probably true (at least about me), and I'm sure that it made me/us less effective and satisfied. However, I believe that most of my friends and I were legitimately trying to do what was right.

In college, I continued to try to do the spiritual things I thought were requirements for the good Christian college freshman. Finding a church, finding a Bible study, still "having daily God-time," etc. Naturally, this still included trying to be a good at praying. I felt like I needed to daily spend a long single period in silent discussion with God. What this lead to was an intense amount of guilt because I found the my mind often just wandered. If not that, then I often felt guilty if I missed a day or two.

It got to the point that a few years ago I just gave up trying to spend that lengthy time praying. I was so frustrated and guilt-ridden that I couldn't do it anymore. I was trying my best to "be a good Christian," and I seriously felt like I was a failure.

This brings us to recent times and to why this is in the God is in the Everyday series. As I think I have made clear, in the past year I have felt closer in relationship with God than I have in years. However, I still don't regularly sit or lie down and pray for a long period of time.

What works for me right now primarily is sincerely praying to God throughout the day. When I am thankful, worried, upset, happy, or excited, I send my message to God. When someone around me is hurting, I ask for peace. When I am feeling impatient, I ask for patience. I also listen. I don't claim to have ever heard God saying a sentence to me, but I do think I receive patience, encouragement, love, and many other things. I also use mealtimes and bedtime as a time in the day to just "check in."

I am not saying that I don't think that there's never a time for longer prayers or that there is anything wrong with them. I just have personally found that they work best for me on specific occasions and not as a strictly-scheduled tool.

In summary, I think it is a huge blessing to have a God by our side every moment of every day. Just like with Matthew, I enjoy sharing pieces of information, gratitude, and emotion with God throughout the day, and I also enjoy a longer conversation when appropriate. Just like with Matthew, I feel like my relationship with God should take tending and care, but it shouldn't be forced. With this attitude, I feel like I can have a real, solid, healthy relationship, which is what I have wanted the whole time.