The theology of unemployment

Matthew has been job hunting since the end or April or the beginning of May.  In case you haven't heard, our economy is kind of sad right now, so my dear husband (who did three internships for a total of 1.25 years of experience and had an undergrad GPA of 3.89 and a graduate GPA of 3.98!) still hasn't gotten any job offers.  In fact, he hasn't even found very many jobs to apply to.

Admittedly, we're currently being picky.  That is, we are only looking in western Oregon.  Portland, Salem, Corvallis, Eugene... You know.  All those little cities in Oregon.

Matthew has had two interviews so far, and one company preferred someone who had more experience (and more enthusiasm about working at least 50 hours a week!)  The other company was a small company whose board decided that they could only afford to hire an electrical engineer (EE) when push came to shove.

Matthew now has an application in at a company where he was an intern a few years ago.  He emailed his boss (the one that liked him enough to tell him to take home a large computer monitor on his last day of work...), and his boss put in good words at HR and the department hiring.  So we wait... hoping they call to schedule an interview...

There has been a lot of waiting these last months.  It's a challenging balance to make plans for the future and to continue living life while knowing that at any time Matthew might get a job, and we might move to a different city within just a few weeks.  I'm not very good at having my future be so nebulous.  It honestly kind of stresses me out.

Actually, a lot about this ridiculous period of life stresses me out a bit.  It also makes me realize that I certainly am not sure how God works because I don't know how to properly make decisions.

Here's an example.  I'm tutoring a few hours a week, and we have managed to save a fair amount of money throughout college and grad school.  Given this fact, I think that (barring unseen disaster) we should be able to go at least another ten months before really needing to start being concerned about the last of our money disappearing.  Since we have this extra time, we have struggled with figuring out how picky Matthew should be in applying and (if given the chance) accepting a position.  The type of position that Matthew would feel incredibly good about working in is a renewable energy or an energy-efficient building type position.  We also ideally would love to stay in Corvallis where we have friends and our families are not terribly far away.  The company that hired an EE instead of a mechanical engineer (ME) was in Corvallis, and the company designs things that use wasted heat to power things instead of using batteries.  This was a job Matthew really wanted (and still wants).  To top it off, in the email the company sent explaining that they hired an EE, they said that they hoped to contact Matthew about the ME position in the "very near future."  Of course, that was over a month ago, and who knows what the "very near future" is.

I believe that God wants to give us good things in our life, and I think that He wants us to believe that He'll provide amazing things.  However, I also believe that we don't necessarily understand what the good things are that God has for us.  Since this job in Corvallis seems perfect for Matthew, and it seems like he still might get it, do we wait for it even if he gets offered another job?  That doesn't seem to make sense given the economy, and would God really :play games" with us like that?  Would we be showing a lack of faith by accepting a job that's not ideal in our eyes?  Or would we be faithfully taking the door that God opened for us even though it did not seem like what was best to us?

Here's another example.  You may have noticed that I haven't mentioned applying to positions.  This is because I've strongly felt like I should let Matthew find a position first because I am pretty sure that I can get part-time work at a community college (or tutoring) wherever he finds work.  We both feel very strongly against having both of us working full-time, and this seems to make sense.  However, recently a couple people brought to my attention a full-time teaching position at a private school in Corvallis.  These people both worked at the school, and although they don't know me terribly well, I think that they would have been able to say that I'd be a good candidate.  In other words, I think that this would be a job that I could have had a reasonable shot at getting.  However, the very idea of doing my first year of high school teaching this coming year made me nauseous.  After a very stressful student teaching experience and a very happy teaching assistant experience, I'm not even sure I ever want to teach high school.  Plus, what would we do if Matthew found a job elsewhere during the school year?  In short, I didn't even apply to the job.

This job would have kept us in Corvallis though and eased the burden of finances.  Did I close a door God opened?  Or did I successfully say no to a tempting way out of financial uncertainty?  Should I be applying to teaching positions (in particular, at the local community college) and not waiting for Matthew to find a job?  Am I letting what I believe to be the best for our future get in the way with the actuality of our future?

So I wrestle with the ideas of having too little faith. (I should wait for God to give us this great gift that He wants to give us!)  Or perhaps having unreasonable faith in God doing something that He doesn't do.  (I shouldn't wait!  Whatever door we end up being able to walk through will be a great gift!)  I also don't know if there is one correct path we are supposed to take or if any reasonable job situation is equally good.  Hence, you can see that I am not very good at making decisions because it sometimes feels like whatever decision I make is either really right or really wrong, and I just am not quite sure which it is.

Aren't these just such basic questions about how God works in our lives?  So, pardon me while I walk through it all confused, a bit stressed out, and incapacitated!

In case you are curious, we are thinking that most any job is a good job, and we'll be grateful for anything that Matthew is offered.  I also still don't think that I am going to do any more than tutor until Matthew finds a position so that I can remain flexible.  So, we "lowered standards" when it comes to jobs Matthew will take, but we remained firm on me staying flexible so that we can easily move when Matthew gets a job.  I'm not positive we're doing the right thing, but we're trying, and this is what we came up with!