Hey... I don't know everything... I care about stuff. Oh, and I love you.

Warning:  Rambly post to encompass large amounts of rambly thoughts.

Recently I have become aware that I might perhaps cause people to feel guilty or feel judged by me when I talk about some of my beliefs, so I wanted to write a post that addresses these issues.  To start off, it literally makes me shake when I consider causing people ill-feelings.  My adrenal glands go overtime.  My heart rate increases, my blood pressure rises, and I perhaps might find it difficult to fall asleep that evening.  I don't enjoy confrontations, and I absolutely hate making people feel bad.

I used to avoid these feelings by avoiding expressing my opinions on controversial subjects.  In the past, I would (with great amounts of effort and anxiety) express opinions and beliefs about God because the good evangelical Christian in me felt like it was my duty.  I've mentioned before that I think that these encounters were probably largely ineffective because they were done out of the wrong motives and in an awkward manner.  I generally avoided conversations about politics (although I of course knew that my political opinions were the righteous ones!) because I justified political uninvolvement by claiming that it was futile anyway and God was in charge.

Of course, to add to the ridiculousness of my beliefs, in the last year I became part of a new group known for its judgmentalism: environmentalists!  Now, no matter what you do, it's pretty likely that one facet of my beliefs will allow me to judge you.  Bahahahaha!

The fact that I am a prideful person in general made it really easy to judge people in the past.  Fortunately, God didn't like that version of me very much, and he allowed me to learn a very important lesson a few years ago.  I learned that I don't know everything, don't understand everything, and don't have everything figured out.  That alone was enough to make me tolerable when I talked about my beliefs to people who didn't agree with me.  And my friends will tell you that they know I do believe things.  I'm not wishy-washy, and I don't hide things.  I think that I just finally learned how to relate to people (and maybe how to love them?).

In the past year, I have learned a lot about the environment, and you might see me developing opinions.  Some of them are strong.  It's true.  I do get frustrated at how systems work.  I get frustrated at apathy and brokeness.  I feel anxiety about the world that we will hand to our children.  I am concerned about quality of living for all of earth's citizens.

But I am not mad at you.  I may sometimes wish you did something differently.  I might believe that there is a better way to do some things.  But I make a huge effort to care about you over any ideas or anything else running through my mind.  Just getting that out there.

So why do I continue to write if I know that it might cause people to feel guilty or feel judged?  Because I feel passionately, and I am compelled to share what I am learning and experiencing.  I could hold it in and discuss it only with people that I carefully test out to see if they agree with me, and that would probably be a lot more comfortable for me. However, that wouldn't allow me to share myself fully with many people, and I think that I probably have something to offer to the people who are around me.  (Similarly, I believe you all offer things to me!  And thanks!)  Additionally, I feel like God is asking me to use my words to take a stand for challenging issues so that people will perhaps think about them.  I love it when people think (and even act) meaningfully about God, society, culture, the earth, consumerism, money, the poor in our world, our place on earth, justice, and other hugely complicated subjects.  While I'm certain that I bring attention to these topics, I only hope that I bring something meaningful and significant to the table when I speak.

I also want to make clear that I still understand that I don't know everything.  I don't.  I'm trying to figure things out, and you can even watch me do that through this blog.  If I didn't believe something passionately, I wouldn't make a fuss; however, I understand that you might come to a different conclusion or that even the same conclusion might bring different results in your life.

So, yes.  I care about things a lot.  I want to live the best life I can doing as much good for as many people as I am asked to by God.  I'm not always good at it, but it is what I want.  My blog is the place that I use to share what I am learning about, thinking about, and creating beliefs about.  Even if you find out that we disagree about things, it doesn't mean that I will focus on disliking you when I watch you act differently than I would.  I don't write to cause guilt, but I will be joyful if I can cause meaningful thoughts or changes in a life.  And hey... I don't know everything... I care about stuff.  Oh, and I love you.