We pray for peace

Matthew and I have been reading the book Practicing Peace: A Devotional Walk Through the Quaker Tradition by Catherine Whitmire.  The book has a compelling introduction written by the author, and then the rest of the book is essentially a compilation of quotations from throughout the last few centuries.  I checked it out from the library, read a few chapters, and I felt in my heart that I needed to own that book.  I don't know if you've had similar feelings, but as I was reading the book, I felt inspired and empowered to be better than I currently am. I certainly couldn't absorb all of the wisdom and inspiration before returning the book!  I've been mulling through some thoughts about peace, and I think I'm ready to put some of my thoughts into words.

Reading this book has made me realize that we need to pray for peace in our world and believe that God hears our prayers and doesn't cast them aside. In one of my groups of friends in high school, I learned to have the attitude that peace will never exist in Israel because of the long-lasting, deeply-rooted conflict between the Israelis and the Palestinians.  I have let that mentality subconsciously continue for about 10 years now, and I have only recently realized what I believe to be an error in my thinking. If I believe that God desires peace in our world and that with God all things are possible, then I have to believe that peace is possible, and I have to live like I believe it.

I also have been confronted with my own failings when it comes to peace.  How many times have I harbored such frustrated, hateful thoughts toward people?  How many relationships have I soured through my own attitude?  How many times have I argued my case (because I'm right, of course!) despite the damage that my arguing was doing?

I don't think that I have to remain silent about issues that inspire passion within me, but I do believe that I can relate to people in peaceful ways.  I have often wondered, "Why can't people discuss things?  Why can't we discuss religion and politics and issues that matter without feeling ready to attack the other person?"  I am not sure I fully know the answer, but I do know that I want to be able to have these conversations while maintaining inner peace and the peace in the relationship.  Humans are never going to all agree on pretty much anything, so must not we all work on finding a way to live together in love instead of in hate despite our differences?

I am inspired by people who patiently bring about peace in our world by being peaceful and connecting to people.

In my idealistic and romantic heart, I think that I desire for my life and home to be marked by peace.  It might be silly, but I genuinely hope that people feel peace and love in their lives when they enter our house. I haven't stopped a war, but perhaps I can start by creating peace in our home and then watch it splash out into our community.

Finally, I have come to the realization that the next time our country considers declaring another needless war, which won't be too long from now if patterns from our history continue, I hope that I will have the courage to speak against it even if my position is not popular. 

I feel like this post is lacking.  Sometimes when I write I feel my logical, mathematician self typing as my passion bubbles in my chest trying to get out.  Perhaps I will try again another day to somehow spill my bubbles onto the page.  Or perhaps you can just get your hands on a copy of Practicing Peace so that you can also be inspired by the words of many throughout the ages...

Peace be with you.

And so we vote!

I have felt compelled to write about the 2012 election a few times either on Facebook on my blog.  Each time I start typing, my words fall short of the ideas in my head, and I worry that I will add to the drivel of election season.  Heaven forbid!  Finally, as election day has arrived, I think that I have figured out the words that I wish to add to the "conversation".

We have heard over and over from opposing parties about how awful (or wonderful!) things would be if a candidate is elected this year.  The numbers have been crunched (or made up), facts (or lies/half-truths) have been brought to the voters' attention, and speeches have been made (and then taken out of context)!  I don't think that anybody can deny that election season is messy in the U.S.

So what do I want to add to all of it?  My call to unify rather than polarize.  My prayer is that we:

• Unify as a nation to face our problems and work together, taking time to consider diverse opinions, to solve them.
• Bring peace to the world.
• Use resources (monetary and planetary) wisely so as to provide a positive future for generations to come
• Face the problem of climate change and deal with human impacts responsibly.
• Be compassionate to those in need that we are able to help.
• Create policies that bring justice, social and otherwise, both in our country and the rest of the world.
• Create a food system that is safe, healthy, just, and sustainable.
• Treat all people with equal respect and rights.
• And..

Regardless of who wins any elections, I hope that our representatives in government succeed in creating a better country and a better world through their policies.  We are not electing "the lesser of two (or more) evils", we are electing one of two (or more) people.  Each person will have both talents and faults to share as he or she governs.

But if we bicker and complain and attack our candidates and then our leaders, how are we making anything better?  How can we work together after an election if we can't be civil during one?

I end with these thoughts:  Our country, and our world, is made up of citizens.  Our government has a huge amount of power, and it can make choices that largely impact individuals and the world at large.  However, while I cannot control the choices of the government, I am left with the choice about what kind of citizen I wish to be.

I can contact my representatives to let them know how I feel about different issues.  I can stay caught up with the news even between election cycles so that I can understand the array of issues better and be as well-informed as possible.  I can choose my words wisely when discussing politics; I can speak gently instead of with the grace of a battering ram.

I can share my resources with others.  I can improve my community.  I can participate in meetings of the local government.  I can make choices with others' needs in mind.  I can volunteer.

I have the power to bring beauty and love, or darkness and hate, into the world.

I want, and will work toward, good things in the world, and no election can change that.  I simply believe that I can be a more effective citizen if I am engaged, cooperating, thoughtful, concerned, and respectful instead of whiny, uncooperative, attacking, violent, and disrespectful.

And, besides my own ballot, that is my contribution to the election of 2012.

looking back, looking ahead

I think that summer usually ends a little earlier than this in our area, but this year the warm, sunny, dry days stretched from early July to mid-October.  Today it is raining, though, and I think that we are officially tumbling toward winter.  Fall and spring both fill me with the oddest emotions.  Mostly, both of these seasons send me reeling with excitement as changes abruptly happen.  Though the seasons are nearly opposite, spring and fall bring me a sense of promise for good things.  Yet, as I feel excitement and hope, I also feel a sense of loss as I realize that another season of life has passed, never to return.

First, let's celebrate the end of summer.

These are some of my very own tomatoes.  Delicious.

What a lovely creature!  It's amazing that few months ago,
this beautiful chicken was a scrawny little fuzzball.

Never in my wildest dreams growing up did I imagine harvesting
my own sunflower seeds.  

This melon grew from a seed that germinated in the worm bin.

A blue heron surveying our pond.  The warm days and lack of rain
sure has the pond water mighty low!

While I really enjoy each season, and perhaps especially so since I grew up on the coast where seasons were less distinct, I am already looking forward to next spring when I can put the first seeds in the ground and start over again.  I am really happy with all that came out of our garden this year, and I am excited to improve next year.  Plus, we have plans to radically change our gardening space for next year.  We plan to demolish half of the driveway and tear out about half of the front lawn.  In this space, we intend to build raised beds and perhaps add some fruit trees and shrubs.  We also plan to move the raised beds from the side yard and plant a little fruit orchard there instead.  One other major addition we're planning on for next year is a grape arbor in the front lawn.  It's going to be a lot of work, and I am terribly excited to dig in and see the changes.

My professional dreams and goals have also lead me to unexpected places.  While I feel more confident with my teaching every term, I am holding onto the hope that I will have a part in starting a food co-op that will eventually have the means to employ me!  In the meantime, I soak up the days when my students tell me that they appreciate me, and I work to not let student failures bring me down.  Teaching is a good job, and I really enjoy working with my students.  There is just a part of my insides with a PASSION for bring good, healthy, local food to our city, and I also feel anticipation for how a co-op could unite people in our community to do so many good things.

And this post would be simply incomplete if I didn't mention that I love being a wife, and I still eagerly anticipate being a mom someday.  I could never express enough gratitude for the way my life fell into place.  How did I end up marrying such a wonderful person?  Matthew and my dream for our life has somehow evolved simultaneously throughout our marriage.  It is perhaps not every husband who respects and appreciates both my part-time work for money and my part-time work at home to help live our lives simply, healthfully, and with respect for our fellow humans and the world.  We are partners in our mission; he works full-time at his job so that I can have the time to use my bike to get the groceries.  Thanks to my dear husband who is simply the best, and thanks to God who inspires the passion within us and delivers the joys of our lives.

CSA Weeks 17 & 18... The End!

 Week 17 provided about 15 pounds of:

• Tomatoes
• Pie pumpkins
• Kabocha squash
• Broccoli
• Potatoes
• Apples
• Sweet peppers
• Beets

Week 18 gave us 16.4 pounds of:

• Kale
• Pie pumpkin, spaghetti squash, and kabocha squash
• Pears
• Sweet potatoes
• Navy beans
• Hot peppers

I believe that this brings us to a total of 212.7 pounds of produce in 18 weeks!   It was a good 18 weeks full of a lot of food adventures and a lot of healthy food.  My one regret about this CSA is the plastic bags they package some of the food in.  It was one or two bags a week, and they used them to package lettuce or sometimes things like tomatoes.  I appreciated that they do their best by using biodegradable bags, but it still eats away at my package-free loving soul.   Mind you, I know that not all of their customer have the same passion for plastic as I do, so I understand what they do.

Next year we are considering trying a CSA that runs all year long.  Maybe I'll anticipate growing enough of our own food that we'll only get a half-share!

Paul, let's have another chat

If the Paul who wrote most of the letters in the New Testament wasn't, you know, a man from 2000 years ago, I think I'd like to invite him over to tea and have a chat.  Most recently, I have been considering, yet again, what Paul wrote about marriage.

In particular, I have been remembering the following passages from 1 Corinthians 7.  I grew up with an NIV Bible, so I'll include that translation:

Verses 8-9: Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Verse 28: But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this. 

Verses 32-35: I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs — how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord. 

Verse 38: So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does better. 

Verse 40: In my judgment, she is happier if she stays as she is [single] —and I think that I too have the Spirit of God.  

You can tell that I left a lot of the verses out, but I included that ones that haunted me for awhile in high school.  At that point, I took the Bible more literally and more at face value.  I really wanted to get married someday, but these verses made it sound like if I chose to get married, then I was settling for less than the best, and I wouldn't be able to be as devoted to God.  Paul makes it sound like the only reason to get married is if you are losing control over your sexuality.  Thanks, Paul.

Now, to be fair, I think that Paul believed that Jesus was coming back and restoring order on Earth soon.  He was also writing to the Corinthians, and it seems like the city of Corinth had a little craziness occurring.  It is quite possible that Paul didn't intend to tell every Christian throughout the ages that you do okay if you marry but better if you don't.  I'd like to think that's the case.

Another interesting point about this passage is that Paul actually mentions that part of it is "in his judgment", although, he adds weight to his words by saying, "I think that I too have the Spirit of God."  Gosh, how do you argue with that?  The funny thing is, people with the Spirit of God don't always see eye-to-eye.

OK, Paul. If you are actually implying that all women today would be happier if we stay single rather than marry, then we don't see eye-to-eye.  Hear me out.

First of all, in my opinion, marriage today is largely not about sex.  Due to our terribly sexual culture, I think that sex seems like a huge part of marriage to the single Christian teens and 20s who see sex everywhere around them except in their own lives.  However, there is just so much more to marriage.  (Also, because this myth needs to be dispelled as often as possible, it is pretty unlikely that sex will be anything like that displayed in the media.  Seriously.)

I could talk awhile about all that marriage can mean.  However, I actually just want to focus on one major point that became clear to me this week.  I read the book EcoMind by Frances Moore Lappé this past week, and she mentioned one social aspect about humans that really strikes me as true.  She talked about how humans find it hard to separate from the herd and be different.  There are social consequences for being different including, but not limited to, being labeled as "weird", shunning, being looked down on, and attempts to change you to become more "normal" again.  This is why it is helpful to have some friends that agree with your desire to break away from the mold.

My relationship with Matthew helps me to break away from the mold in ways that I truly doubt that I would have if we hadn't gotten married.  In this way, I think that having my husband has helped me grow exponentially in my faith.  Since getting married, my faith has become less about nitpicking and believe that exact right thing about morality.  I no longer believe that the key to my faith is to "be in the Bible and prayer each day".  It's not that I don't believe that those two things are important, and I do continue to do both of those things daily.  However, I was stuck in a rut because I was missing all of the other things that my faith was supposed to lead to.

I'm not saying that we don't still have room for vast improvement, but our faith together as a married couple has lead us to an understanding that our faith is less about being individualistic and focusing on ourselves and more about pouring God's love on everyone around us.  It has helped us to collaborate and cooperate to change our lifestyle to be more closely aligned with our vision for how our world should be: fair, equitable, beautiful, sustainable, and filled with the goodness of God.

I think that my marriage has made me open to change and filled with the belief that change is possible and I can be part of it.  Matthew and I spend hours each week discussing our community, our country, and our world.  We try to spur each other into doing our part in each of these areas, and we learn more and more about things we can do.

So, Paul, I hope that you can see that Matthew and I use each other to be stronger in our commitment to God.  Our goal in life isn't to please each other; instead our home is the first place for us to practice loving people and putting others' needs above our own.  I do not believe that our interests are generally divided and that we are less devoted to God due to our devotion to each other.  Rather, I honestly believe God views us as a team empowered by each member, and I think He uses us as such.

CSA Weeks 15 & 16

 Week 15 brought 15.4 pounds of:

• pie pumpkin/ornamental squash
• lettuce
• melon
• apples
• potatoes
• tomatoes
• eggplant
• beets

I was baking the day I picked up Week 15's share, so I had to take the picture on another part of the counter space.  It was Matthew's birthday that day, so I moved baking day up to Wednesday instead of Thursday.  We needed to have some cake!  

Week 16 brought 15.2 pounds of:

• Spaghetti squash
• Cabbage
• Jester squash
• Apples
• Potatoes
• Tomatoes
• Sweet peppers

I have to say that I think that Week 16's picture might be one of the prettiest.  I love all of the colors...

Pretty Pretty Placemats

I started making placemats back in May, and I finally finished!  I love how colorful they turned out!

I think I might make two more placemats for when we have guests (any more than six people, and I guess we're throwing a bed sheet across the table!!!), but the next two I think I'm going to just have vertical stripes.

CSA Weeks 13 & 14

 Week 13 brought 17.2 (WHEW!) pounds of:

• corn
• lettuce
• spaghetti squash
• tomatoes
• herbs
• hot peppers
• pears
• cucumbers
• potatoes

Week 14 brings 15.4 pounds of:

• melons
• lettuce
• acorn squash
• apples
• onion
• sweet peppers
• tomatoes
• cucumbers
• basil
• beets

Late summer eating is delicious!

August Happenings!

I haven't written since the dramatic rooster incident!  As much trauma and tears as that caused, it led into a couple of really wonderful weeks!

Within  a few days, the chickens became a tightly
bound social unit again.  What a relief!

Soon after the pecking order was established, Scrambled started
laying eggs.  She seems to be on schedule to lay 5 or 6 eggs
a week!  Good little Scrambledsaurus!

I picked peaches as soon as the u-pick place opened.  YUM!

I canned 20 quarts of peaches this year, and I froze six gallons.
Not to mention all of the smooooothies with fresh peaches!

I turned 25!

Matthew took off a few days this week in observance of my
birthday and our anniversary.  We decided to take on the project
that was our unfinished hearth.

Here's Matthew removing the particle board that was in our way.

 Now we're down to the thinset from the tiles that used to be here when
it was a not-woodstove-fireplace. 

We definitely deliberated about what we'd do to finish the hearth.  To buy the resources needed to tile this, we anticipated that it would cost around $100, especially since this was such a small project with no economy for size.  If you've read much of this blog or if you know me well, you may realize that I take how we spend our money and how we use the earth's resources quite seriously.  I felt really uncomfortable spending that much money on the cosmetics of the hearth, so I encouraged all my creative brain-power to think of a different solution.  I asked myself, "What do people use to keep fire in its place?"  My brain answered, "Rocks and stone."

So that's what we did.

I remembered that we had a bunch of stones in the used-to-be dog run. We gathered some with the prettiest colors and designs, washed them off, and used grout/adhesive to finish our hearth.  Total cost?  Twelve dollars.  It would have been $9, but neither us nor our neighbors had anything to cut out the old torn up particle board, so we headed to the little local tool shop (go small businesses!!), and we bought a wood chisel.  

Here's the final result:

 We like it, and I'm really glad that we decided to rock the system and try to find an alternative to traditional tiling.

Anyway, back to our happenings...

For our anniversary we decided to go camping in our backyard the night beforehand.
We made dinner over the fire, and it was really fun.  The one caveat?
We didn't have any good padding under (or on!) us, so we found our bones
crushed into the ground at night.  I became wide-awake around 2:30am, and
by 3:30am it became apparent to both of us that we were needlessly getting a bad
night's sleep.  We crawled out of the tent and back inside... Oh well!  It was fun, and
we learned!

I made homemade marshmallows (seriously!) and graham crackers for s'mores.

Sooooo good!!!

The next day, on our actual anniversary, we made a bunch
of homemade pizza and watched a movie.  Yum yum yum!
And lots of leftovers to enjoy!

I also sported a skirt and running shoes while loading the dishwasher.

Four years together can make you happy!

Four years together can make you silly!

Yay for our fourth anniversary!!

CSA Weeks 10, 11, & 12!

I've been busy the last few weeks!

 Week 10 had about 12 pounds of zucchini, lettuce, chives, corn, onions, bell peppers, green beans, cucumbers, and potatoes.

 Week 11 we had 13.4 pounds of corns, green beans, herbs, zucchini, cucumbers, onion, eggplant, tomatillos, tomatoes, and apples.

This week, Week 12, we have 15.2 pounds of corn, lettuce, eggplant, cherry tomatoes, zucchini, carrots, apples, onion, cucumber, and basil.

It has been good eating recently!

Meet Scrambled... (aka Evil)

It has really been a rough 24 hours in our household.

Remember our dear Deliasaurus?

Well, as much as we believe him to be a girl, we could no longer continue believing it once the sickle feathers and the crowing began.  I became so angry at him for being a rooster that I renamed him Stew.  He is such a sweet, friendly fellow, and I immediately felt the loss.  To be honest, it kind of feels like my chicken broke up with me, and I have been crying on and off since we found out.  I didn't realize quite how attached I was to his fluffy little white chicken butt.

The farm store where we got him allows for you to trade out your chicken if it turns out to be a rooster, so we spent the morning making a mournful trek to the store with our quiet, well-behaved rooster in a box.

The only chicken, besides chicks, available was a molting, mixed-breed hen.  We spent some time before-hand considering starting over again with a couple of new chicks instead, but we didn't want to get another rooster, and we decided that we'll probably get some chicks in the next year or so anyway.  Five chickens seemed like a good number, so we ended up getting a full-grown mystery hen.

With that, I present Scrambled:

When we got home, she was an angry, anxious little thing making the most upset of the chicken-y noises.  We were fairly anxious as well because we weren't sure how well she would assimilate with our two dear Buff Orpingtons.  We let her go in the coop hoping for the best.  She and the other two stepped outside to have a very brief kerfuffle, and then Baby Peep and Willow went running to hide in the corner while Scrambled commenced her dirt bath.

I should mention that at some point in here, I bitterly named the chicken "Evil".  Her attitude and deep black feathers along with my sense of loss over the angelic, white Stew was not a good combination.  Matthew said that I shouldn't judge her since she was stressed out.  However, the nickname has stuck in my mind, partly because I like getting a rise out of Matthew.  Good wife that I am.

Apparently Evil really wanted a long dust bath.  She bathed for a good chunk of time just outside the door of the coop.  A little while later, she finally decided to venture further into the run where the really good dust is.  There she stayed, bathing and letting us know that she wasn't particularly happy with us.  The other Peeposaurs escaped back to the coop to avoid the whole debacle.

After lunch, I noticed that none of the chickens were in the run.  I opened the coop door and looked at them.  They looked at me.  Then they decided that it was a good time to all have a good "bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk BA-GAWK!!!! bawk bawk bawk..."  I closed the door and let them have at it.  I know that they're having a tough day, too.

Willow and Baby Peep seem a bit confused by the loss of their leader.  Oddly enough, Willow seems to have quickly picked up her role as the older chicken, and she pushes Baby Peep around.  However, more in character, she is horrified by Evil, and she steers clear of her when possible.  Baby Peep is all kinds of laid back, and she is forever apologizing for her existence: "Oh, I'm sorry for being in your way (or eating your food, or...).  I didn't mean to exist.  I used to be an egg, and then suddenly... there I was!"  She doesn't seem to mind Evil, but she definitely likes to stay close to Willow.

This picture shows a bit of the chicken dynamic currently.  Willow is carefully avoiding Evil.  Baby Peep was going to perch on the branch for awhile, but since Willow didn't seem to want to be near Evil, you can see that Baby Peep is just about to hop off the branch to join Willow.

And, next thing you know, Evil is all alone again.

I'm grateful that the chickens seem to be getting through this whole thing without resorting to cannibalism.  I guess that we all just need to get over our losses, make new friends, and move on in life together.

Comforting Baby Peep with some delicious grains.

Evil finally was calm enough to come eat out of my hand instead of yelling at me.

I have to say though, our children will learn a strange expression instead of the normal, "Life is full of little disappointments."  In our house, we will now say, "Life is full of roosters."

May you be a good Peeposaur, Scrambled!  Please be kind to us, as we intend to be kind to you.  Please provide plenty of eggs, and do not hesitate to amuse us with antics.

No shave... Never

So. I hate shaving my legs.  I really do.  I always have.  I have not once shaved my legs and enjoyed it.  It's a futile task; they get poky within a day and "gross" within a few days.  Yet, for about half of my life now, I've been doing the exercise in futility at least once a week most weeks.

It all began in sixth grade.  I was eleven, and I was a cute little chubby thing with red cheeks, tousled hair, and Winnie-the-Pooh t-shirts.  Until PE happened.  In the locker room one day, one of my classmates (one of the cool ones) happened to look at me and she made fun of my hairy legs.  Mind you, I was eleven.  I probably barely had any hair on my legs, but that seemed to be beside the point.  At that point, I had no clue what "shaving my legs" was (ahhh... blissful ignorance!), but I remember feeling incredibly embarrassed by my obvious faux pas.

Some girls might have sat their mothers down and said, with all the adorable, angsty rage of an eleven-year-old, "MOM!  I HAVE TO SHAVE MY LEGS!"

I didn't.  At least not at that point.  Although, I do remember that I felt ashamed to wear shorts to school with hairy legs showing, so I wore tights underneath my jean shorts.  Problem solved!  Except not... because apparently that wasn't cool either.  What?!

I think I somehow made it to seventh grade without shaving my legs.  It might have been the anticipation of the dreaded PE locker room that year that finally gave me the gumption to tell my mom that I needed to shave my legs.

And shave I did.  Dry.

And now for the open letter to Mom:

Dear Mom,

You're a wonderful mother.  You put up with a lot, and you have a lot of patience.  You fed me, carted me around, and did all sorts of other things that made me not turn into a complete failure.  I appreciate that.  Well done.

One question:  Why in the world did you not tell me that I was supposed to shave my legs when they were wet?

Love, Karen 

I eventually learned from a friend that I was supposed to shave wet legs.  I ever learned about the mysterious world of shaving cream.  Oooooo... shaving cream.  While this decreased my razor burn, my sensitive skin has always been prone to it regardless of how I have shaved.  Plus, I took more chunks out of my ankles and knees in those early days than I care to remember.

Have I mentioned that I hate shaving my legs?

Not to mention the fact that it's really, really difficult to get rid of every single hair.  Having been traumatized in sixth grade, I was ever-conscious of the stray hairs that I missed once I noticed them.  I distinctly remember noticing a hairy patch that I missed on my knee during my ride to school in 8th grade, and I sincerely, sorely wished that I had just not worn shorts that day.  After all, I lived on the Oregon Coast.  There's never any particular need to wear shorts.

As I became slightly more comfortable in my own skin during high school, I allowed myself to shave only once a week even though I was wearing shorts daily for cross-county and track workouts.  Thankfully my hair was pretty blond, and I just always hoped that nobody would accidentally come into contact with my legs.  I didn't want to sandpaper off their skin.

On and on, I shaved.  Through the heat, the rain, the snow, and the wind.

Until this past winter.  I stopped shaving at the end of December, and I didn't (mournfully) pick the razor up again until May or June.  It was awesome.  I was free!!!!

This summer has been pretty cool in western Oregon until the last few weeks, so for awhile I was shaving every three weeks or so, just when it was shorts weather, and only my calves.

Yet, my five months of freedom made me rebellious and bold!  After shaving a few times this summer, I asked myself, "I don't like shaving my legs.  Why do I do it?"

It wasn't a rhetorical question.  I answered, "Because everybody shaves their legs."

My conversation with myself was off!
Me: Why should I shave just because everybody else does?
Me: Because you're shy and weak, and you don't want people to tease you.  Plus, you're already kinda weird.
Me:  (whining) But I hate shaving my legs!  This way they just get all soft and furry like God made 'em!
Me: Tough.  People will look at you and judge.
Me: Well too bad for them!?!????

I haven't shaved since.  I'm still not quite to the point where I'm able to look at my legs and not be grossed out, yet the fact that I feel grossed out makes me angry enough to keep going.  I have even walked around outside with shorts or a skirt on.

I'm upset because I feel like I have to shave my legs or be looked down on.  It's not like I think it's wrong to shave legs, but I certainly feel like it shouldn't feel mandatory!  I don't even have a daughter yet, and I already feel anxiety about her reaching the age where she too feels inadequate and unattractive as she is made.  And I know that I'll tell her that she's beautiful just how she is, but will I not be more convincing if she doesn't see me hiding my legs in the heat just because I haven't made time to shave in awhile?

So, there you have it.  I hate shaving.  I want to be a person who feels confident without shaving.  So I think I'm going to stop shaving now.

No shave!... Never!


P.S.

1. I know that my daughter (if I have one) may want to shave someday, and I don't intend to stop her.  I'll just leave it up to her.  However, I'm hoping that I can be a strong woman, and I hope that she maybe can draw from my strength.  Also, maybe I can find some families with similar values... and maybe the women won't shave their legs... and maybe my child can have a group of friends and they can run around with hairy legs comfortable and free throughout their teen years...  I can dream.
2.  Another perk of not shaving?  My skin stays shiny and healthy.   Ahhhh.  Plus, my years and years of razor burn tendencies (despite water and shaving cream and only shaving once a week) are now no longer a painful, uncomfortable bother.
3. Here's the beautiful, carefree hairiness.  You may judge, but I'll just assume that you're secretly jealous of the fact that I have not shaved for weeks.  Feel free to join me!

Just rambling again...

I decided it's time to upload from my brain.  Here's some stuff in there in no particular order.

• I'm already thinking about next year's vegetable garden.  It's exciting and also overwhelming and scary to me.  This year I didn't get started pretty much until April, and I really could have started some cool-season crops earlier.  Next year I want to get started earlier, and I want to do a lot more.  One thing I am kind of thinking about is tearing out a lot of the front lawn to put in food.  I'm thinking summer squash, winter squash, potatoes, garlic, onions and pole beans for next year...  I just have this fear of failing and having a bunch of bare dirt instead of the pretty front lawn that we currently have.  Fear of failure doesn't usually stop me, fortunately.  It just makes me nervous. ;)  In the long run, I'm kind of considering digging out the whole front lawn and just having garden beds (maybe raised beds...) with hazelnut shell paths.  A few houses in our neighborhood have that, and I always admire it.  We can do a bit more with our back and side yards, too, but there is a lot more shade in that area, so I'm thinking that our front yard might actually be where I focus a lot of my energy as we try to grow and preserve more of our food.  We are also hoping to get grapes going on the back patio, and we want to put some dwarf fruit trees in pots on the driveway, too...  We might be finished making our food forest before we die.  Maybe.
• Today at Goodwill I finally found a stainless steel pot that is big enough to hold enough peaches/pears/tomatoes/etc to fill the seven quart jars that go into my canner.  Last year the stove space was super tight because I had to use a smaller pot along with a large pan to hold all of the to-be-canned food.  Add the giant canner and the little pot for sterilizing the lids... It was silly.  I'm hoping to pick peaches next weekend for canning.  Tomatoes should follow soon after.
• I want to make a food dehydrator before next summer.  It makes a lot of sense to me to use the sun's energy to preserve food during the summer.   Plus, you can pack more food in less space.
• Summer term is finishing up this week.  I actually have really great students this term, but I am super ready for a break.  I need to get ready for next term (which I hopefully can do in a week or so?), and then I should have about four weeks with no teaching responsibilities.  Woo hoo!
• I just read a book about using bikes as transportation, and I have renewed my enthusiasm for being a bike activist.  By that I mean that I'm going to continue biking more and more.  Eventually, I'd kind of like to use my bike to go anywhere within 10 miles.  Even more eventually, I think it'd be cool to not own a car.  It's a goal of mine.
• It's also a goal of mine to a) make close friends in my area that I can hang out with regularly and b) start a food co-op in Hillsboro.  One of those should happen sooner than the other.
• I am really concerned about our world's future.  I kind of doubt that we'll cause our own extinction in the near future, but I can see us decimating our own population through our own haste and greed.  You are welcome to think I'm silly and pessimistic, but people have done it before.  If we can't even give up a little meat and use our cars a little less to help things out...  It feels like science is going to have to grow in leaps and bounds or bad things are likely.  Sorry, Midwest farmers.  Perhaps the population can demand a less water intensive crop from you next year?
• I love being part of a CSA.  I love getting food given to me every week and planning my meals around the vegetables we get.  It can be a challenge especially since that just not how we usually do things in our society, but it's fun, healthy, and we're eating a lot of veggies.
• I have learned even more about money and budgeting since we entered the workforce and even more since we bought a house.  I can see how people easily go into debt.  It's a challenge to figure out how much money should go to different places.  We finally figured out that, outside of our usual monthly spending, we needed to see how much money was leftover so that we could split it between a few categories: Putting extra money into the mortgage, retirement savings, saving for our next car (booooo... but our '95 Camry won't last forever and right now it's hard to imagine being without a car since there's no car-share available in Hillsboro and Matthew occasionally needs a car for his work... booooo), saving for house repairs/appliance replacements/etc, and then just a bit of savings for other things that may come up that we can't even anticipate.  We figured it all out, and we made a spreadsheet so that we know how much money we have designated to different things.  It's really helpful.  We'll have to re-budget when I quit my teaching job to start my parenting job, but for now it's really nice to be intentionally putting away some money in these categories.  I still spend time wrestling with how our resources are spent and wondering if we could do things better.  I always hope that we are doing the right thing, being responsible, and helping others enough.

Thanks for reading the ramblings.  As a reward, here's a picture of a pretty water lily from our pond:

CSA Weeks 8 and 9: Green beans!

 Week 8's share included around 12 pounds of:

• Blueberries
• Carrots (the Peeposaurs love the carrot tops!)
• Lettuce
• Cabbage
• Zucchini
• Mint
• Beets
• Green beans
• Cucumbers

Meanwhile, in Week 9's share, we have received 10.3 pounds of:

• Cucumbers
• Potatoes
• Lettuce
• Beets
• Zucchini
• Green beans
• Basil
• Eggplant

That's a lot of cucumber!  I'll have to find something to make with all these!

The garden at the end of July

It's fun to look back a month ago to see how big all these plants have gotten in the past month!  This month the peas have been winding down, although still producing.  Additionally, we've had plenty of lettuce, some green beans, a head of broccoli, and plenty of zucchini.  The carrots will probably be fully mature soon (we've eaten a couple just to "check on them"), and the tomato plants have a bunch of green fruit on them.  Additionally, the winter squash plants are getting bigger, and we have a few volunteer pumpkins already growing.

Also, PEEPOSAURS!

You  can't help but love the fluffy chicken butts.

These plants needed water.  They have since received some.

Spot the tomatoes!

A few winter squash getting watered.

The sunflowers are getting big!  Next year I will hopefully get more herbs growing
in this area.  The perennial lavender, rosemary, and sage are a good start, though.
I'm thinking I'll try to get some chard, spinach, and kale growing here this fall.
I almost might have a few broccoli and cauliflower transplants to fill in some space...