And so we vote!

I have felt compelled to write about the 2012 election a few times either on Facebook on my blog.  Each time I start typing, my words fall short of the ideas in my head, and I worry that I will add to the drivel of election season.  Heaven forbid!  Finally, as election day has arrived, I think that I have figured out the words that I wish to add to the "conversation".

We have heard over and over from opposing parties about how awful (or wonderful!) things would be if a candidate is elected this year.  The numbers have been crunched (or made up), facts (or lies/half-truths) have been brought to the voters' attention, and speeches have been made (and then taken out of context)!  I don't think that anybody can deny that election season is messy in the U.S.

So what do I want to add to all of it?  My call to unify rather than polarize.  My prayer is that we:

• Unify as a nation to face our problems and work together, taking time to consider diverse opinions, to solve them.
• Bring peace to the world.
• Use resources (monetary and planetary) wisely so as to provide a positive future for generations to come
• Face the problem of climate change and deal with human impacts responsibly.
• Be compassionate to those in need that we are able to help.
• Create policies that bring justice, social and otherwise, both in our country and the rest of the world.
• Create a food system that is safe, healthy, just, and sustainable.
• Treat all people with equal respect and rights.
• And..

Regardless of who wins any elections, I hope that our representatives in government succeed in creating a better country and a better world through their policies.  We are not electing "the lesser of two (or more) evils", we are electing one of two (or more) people.  Each person will have both talents and faults to share as he or she governs.

But if we bicker and complain and attack our candidates and then our leaders, how are we making anything better?  How can we work together after an election if we can't be civil during one?

I end with these thoughts:  Our country, and our world, is made up of citizens.  Our government has a huge amount of power, and it can make choices that largely impact individuals and the world at large.  However, while I cannot control the choices of the government, I am left with the choice about what kind of citizen I wish to be.

I can contact my representatives to let them know how I feel about different issues.  I can stay caught up with the news even between election cycles so that I can understand the array of issues better and be as well-informed as possible.  I can choose my words wisely when discussing politics; I can speak gently instead of with the grace of a battering ram.

I can share my resources with others.  I can improve my community.  I can participate in meetings of the local government.  I can make choices with others' needs in mind.  I can volunteer.

I have the power to bring beauty and love, or darkness and hate, into the world.

I want, and will work toward, good things in the world, and no election can change that.  I simply believe that I can be a more effective citizen if I am engaged, cooperating, thoughtful, concerned, and respectful instead of whiny, uncooperative, attacking, violent, and disrespectful.

And, besides my own ballot, that is my contribution to the election of 2012.

Paul, let's have another chat

If the Paul who wrote most of the letters in the New Testament wasn't, you know, a man from 2000 years ago, I think I'd like to invite him over to tea and have a chat.  Most recently, I have been considering, yet again, what Paul wrote about marriage.

In particular, I have been remembering the following passages from 1 Corinthians 7.  I grew up with an NIV Bible, so I'll include that translation:

Verses 8-9: Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Verse 28: But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this. 

Verses 32-35: I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs — how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord. 

Verse 38: So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does better. 

Verse 40: In my judgment, she is happier if she stays as she is [single] —and I think that I too have the Spirit of God.  

You can tell that I left a lot of the verses out, but I included that ones that haunted me for awhile in high school.  At that point, I took the Bible more literally and more at face value.  I really wanted to get married someday, but these verses made it sound like if I chose to get married, then I was settling for less than the best, and I wouldn't be able to be as devoted to God.  Paul makes it sound like the only reason to get married is if you are losing control over your sexuality.  Thanks, Paul.

Now, to be fair, I think that Paul believed that Jesus was coming back and restoring order on Earth soon.  He was also writing to the Corinthians, and it seems like the city of Corinth had a little craziness occurring.  It is quite possible that Paul didn't intend to tell every Christian throughout the ages that you do okay if you marry but better if you don't.  I'd like to think that's the case.

Another interesting point about this passage is that Paul actually mentions that part of it is "in his judgment", although, he adds weight to his words by saying, "I think that I too have the Spirit of God."  Gosh, how do you argue with that?  The funny thing is, people with the Spirit of God don't always see eye-to-eye.

OK, Paul. If you are actually implying that all women today would be happier if we stay single rather than marry, then we don't see eye-to-eye.  Hear me out.

First of all, in my opinion, marriage today is largely not about sex.  Due to our terribly sexual culture, I think that sex seems like a huge part of marriage to the single Christian teens and 20s who see sex everywhere around them except in their own lives.  However, there is just so much more to marriage.  (Also, because this myth needs to be dispelled as often as possible, it is pretty unlikely that sex will be anything like that displayed in the media.  Seriously.)

I could talk awhile about all that marriage can mean.  However, I actually just want to focus on one major point that became clear to me this week.  I read the book EcoMind by Frances Moore Lappé this past week, and she mentioned one social aspect about humans that really strikes me as true.  She talked about how humans find it hard to separate from the herd and be different.  There are social consequences for being different including, but not limited to, being labeled as "weird", shunning, being looked down on, and attempts to change you to become more "normal" again.  This is why it is helpful to have some friends that agree with your desire to break away from the mold.

My relationship with Matthew helps me to break away from the mold in ways that I truly doubt that I would have if we hadn't gotten married.  In this way, I think that having my husband has helped me grow exponentially in my faith.  Since getting married, my faith has become less about nitpicking and believe that exact right thing about morality.  I no longer believe that the key to my faith is to "be in the Bible and prayer each day".  It's not that I don't believe that those two things are important, and I do continue to do both of those things daily.  However, I was stuck in a rut because I was missing all of the other things that my faith was supposed to lead to.

I'm not saying that we don't still have room for vast improvement, but our faith together as a married couple has lead us to an understanding that our faith is less about being individualistic and focusing on ourselves and more about pouring God's love on everyone around us.  It has helped us to collaborate and cooperate to change our lifestyle to be more closely aligned with our vision for how our world should be: fair, equitable, beautiful, sustainable, and filled with the goodness of God.

I think that my marriage has made me open to change and filled with the belief that change is possible and I can be part of it.  Matthew and I spend hours each week discussing our community, our country, and our world.  We try to spur each other into doing our part in each of these areas, and we learn more and more about things we can do.

So, Paul, I hope that you can see that Matthew and I use each other to be stronger in our commitment to God.  Our goal in life isn't to please each other; instead our home is the first place for us to practice loving people and putting others' needs above our own.  I do not believe that our interests are generally divided and that we are less devoted to God due to our devotion to each other.  Rather, I honestly believe God views us as a team empowered by each member, and I think He uses us as such.

FASHION!

Did I mention that I miss writing in my blog?  I really do.  I don't know what's wrong with me... Actually, I do.  Fact:  I find it challenging to just sit unless I'm doing something at the computer for my students.  I like to DO!  However, today I'm kind of tired, and sitting on the couch writing a blog post sounds just right...

But I digress.

FASHION!

Those who know me well may wonder why I am writing a post about fashion.  I think it is fate.  (It's certainly not because I can tell you what the current fashions are...)  Two people brought clothing to my attention through two articles/blog posts on Facebook this week.  The first is an article written by a journalist who does some research about the "afterlife" of much the clothing we buy in the U.S.  The second is a blog post written by a Christian woman who is giving her two cents about the Great Christian Modesty Debacle.  I am not going to summarize or paraphrase what these people say since they do such a good job of speaking for themselves, so I would recommend reading the links before you continue.

Done?  OK.  Let's go.

I honestly don't have much to say about the article about the afterlife of clothing except that I continue to hope and pray that we come to our senses when it comes to "stuff".  It truly baffles me that we discard so much clothing in the U.S. that after thrift stores get stuffed to the gills, the natural solution is to turn perfectly good (sometimes brand new) clothing into rags or to ship it off to Africa.  The whole thing reeks of waste.

The post regarding the Great Christian Modesty Debacle earns more of a response.  Sheila and I agree that rules about modesty may very well go beyond what God requires (for example, a rule where women are only allowed to wear skirts/dresses down to the ankle).  We also agree that the clothing that we wear does not have to be societally unfashionable.  However, Sheila makes the argument that, in fact, Christian women have the duty to God and their husbands to be societally fashionable.   It is with this thesis that I am taken aback.

The following ideas run through my own head as I consider Sheila's post:

My husband loves me, is proud of me, and is attracted to me regardless of the clothes that I wear.  He loves me because we are called to love.  He is proud of me based on my actions and the content of my character.  He is attracted to me because he loves me and he is proud of me and I'm ME!

I do not need to earn the respect of society through what I wear.  I will earn respect through who I am and what I do.

There is nothing wrong with something "looking like it came from a thrift shop".  There is nothing wrong with used clothes or hand-me-downs.  There is nothing wrong with wearing "last year's fashions".  There is nothing wrong with the people who cannot afford to put together a closet of clothing that makes them look stylish.  There is nothing wrong with people who can afford to put together such a wardrobe but choose not to.

I do not believe that I can justify spending my money on a fashionable wardrobe in this society.  Women are expected to have a bunch of different outfits and be in fashion at all times (even when fashions change on a dime).  This can be expensive, and I feel that I can be a better steward of our resources.

I do not believe that I can justify the environmental and social ramifications of a fashionable wardrobe.  Creating fashion creates waste through the production of the fabric, the shipping of everything, and the discards readily cast aside as fashion changes.  Additionally, if I buy new clothing, I run the risk of supporting a company that allows horrible work conditions unless I do my research first.

I do believe that I should respect, appreciate, and thank God for the clothing and resources that God has provided.  This keeps me satisfied with what I have instead of in want for more.  This encourages me to wear my clothing until it is worn out.  This prevents me from feeling like I have "nothing to wear".

Overall, I personally found that Sheila has too much concern for appearances and plays into what I believe is one of our culture's issues.  While you may have noticed that I wrestle with some of what Paul wrote, I think that this is something particularly beautiful that he left us:

Since prayer is at the bottom of all this, what I want mostly is for men to pray—not shaking angry fists at enemies but raising holy hands to God. And I want women to get in there with the men in humility before God, not primping before a mirror or chasing the latest fashions but doing something beautiful for God and becoming beautiful doing it. 
1 Timothy 2:9-10

I pray for beauty from doing something beautiful for God!

As always, you are more than welcome to disagree with me, but I thought that I'd get my perspective out there since, after all, this is my blog. :)

Home Economics

And by this, I mean economics of my home.  I have been reading some of Bill McKibben's books recently (Eaarth and Deep Economy, in case you are curious), and he has reminded me of the power of community and supporting our local communities.  As I became an adult, I had the tendency to try to avoid spending money preferring to save for the future.  As I have become a slightly older adult, I tacked on the desire to not spend money so that I'd also have plenty to give away.  Inn the last few years I have become more and more conscious of the fact that I am accountable to God for every dollar I spend, and I want to use money well.  However, an idea has been growing in me: There may be a way to use money that may be as good (if not better?) than charity if done correctly.

What I mean is that by spending our money, we are putting it in another's pocket so that it can provide for his/her needs.  So if I participate in my local CSA, I am directly putting money into the farmers' pockets so that they can buy seeds but also help pay for their clothing, bills, mortgage, etc.  However, if I buy food from a large grocery store, I may be putting a lot of money into the pockets of a few CEOs and a few cents on the dollar into the hands of the farmers.  The same thing goes with just about anything you want to buy:  If you buy it as local as possible in as small of a store (or no store!), you are more likely to be getting money directly to someone who is going to use the money to exist and not to buy another private yacht.

Of course, some things make sense to make and distribute on a large scale (I've never heard of a local computer-maker...), but so much of what we need (food, clothing, shelter, etc) and even much of what we don't need can be done at the local level which is awesome.

I think that while there is nothing shameful in accepting assistance when in need, and I think that we absolutely should help people who are in need.  However, I think the idea of supporting our local economy is wonderful because I think it can help fewer people reach the point of being in need of assistance.  I think most people want to work for a living, and local economies can provide rewarding, authentic jobs that will help them do just that.

This is non-partisan, too!  Who doesn't want to support their community?  Liberals want to help the down and out, so let's help prevent people from getting there.  Conservatives want to support small businesses, so let's support them by purchasing from them (even if you pay more than at the bigger store).

When you spend or invest money, you are investing in something and supporting something.  The question is, are you sure you are supporting what you value?  That's something we'll keep striving for throughout our lives.

Compassion

As we near the end of the Easter season, I want to give a shout out to Jesus.  One of the attributes of Jesus that  always moves me is His compassion.  I think that we take it for granted that Jesus was a man of great compassion.  According to the Bible, Jesus was moved with compassion repeatedly.  He felt compassion when He was in the presence of the ill (Matthew 14:14). He felt compassion for his followers when they were hungry (Matthew 15:32).  He had compassion for those debilitated by blindness (Matthew 20:34).  In other stories I sense His compassion even if the Bible does not describe Him as feeling compassion at the moment.  When He speaks gently to the adulteress despite all of the men ready to condemn her.  When he restores His relationship with Peter.  When He raises Lazarus to ease the burden for a widow with no other sons.

When Jesus saw people hurting, He generally seemed to feel compassion, and He would fill the needs of the people around Him.  Ultimately, I believe that Jesus' compassion for us is what led him to the cross.  He saw our need for an ultimate sacrifice to pay off a debt, and so He paid the debt.

I am moved by the compassion shown by Jesus.  Thanks be to God that Jesus didn't just see problems and say, "Well, if they had made better decisions, and if people just did things better, that wouldn't have been a problem.  They really should just pull themselves up by their bootstraps and make something of themselves!"  Instead, He first met needs, and by doing so He generally seemed to gain favor and followers.

---

Recently, I have been considering how I would like our country to run with the idea of showing compassion as Jesus did.  One current hot topic is the mandate for all people to have health insurance.  This has been brought to the Supreme Court because some feel like it is unconstitutional to mandate that all people buy health insurance.  The Daily Show had a segment about this recently, and I think Jon Stewart really hits the nail at one point.  The following segment has been on my mind for a few days now (NOTE: At the end there are some graphic cartoon beheadings.  I think it's a segment with a great points and it's worth watching, but I  totally admit that the beheadings are gross.  Feel free to stop the video at 3:40 if you have delicate sensibilities!):

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
Get More: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

In this video, Donald Verrilli, the US Solicitor General, says that paying for our health system is predominantly done by health insurance, but over 40 million Americans do not have access to health insurance and for these people our health care system is not working.  Justice Antonin Scalia says that the US federal government is not supposed to be the government that has all the powers, but rather, it is supposed to have limited powers.  Jon Stewart then points out that the government is looking for a way to solve a problem the U.S. citizens have.  Namely, to have a system where insurance companies can afford to take all people (including those with pre-existing conditions, for example), we must have all people participating in the system to share the cost.  Stewart then picks up on a key exchange between General Verrilli and Justice Scalia:

General Verrilli: ...in the health care market, you're going into the market without the ability to pay for what you get, getting the health care service anyway as a result of the social norms that allow — that — to which we've obligated ourselves so that people get health care.

Justice Scalia: Well, don't obligate yourself to that. Why — you know?

And herein lies the crux of the matter! Until another solution is put on the table, the choice being made here is really between providing or denying health care to those without insurance, for whatever reason.

Note: For time purposes, the Daily Show obviously must exclude a lot of the exchange. For the transcript of the case, go here.

Forty million Americans don't have access to health insurance, but they still get sick and injured. How can we not have compassion on them and do what we can to heal them? I may not be able to pay all their medical bills myself, but there is a change to our system that we can make to help them to have access to the care that they need. How can I not support that change?

---

Another group of people who have been the object of scorn is those in the Occupy Wall Street Movement. Mind you, I'm aware of the weaknesses of the movement. However, it's memes like this that make me sad. While I'm sure some people are lazy, wanting too much, etc., is it alright to minimize the legitimate hurts of people due to the issues in our system and country? Do we really still believe that everybody still has equal opportunity in our country? If we don't, how should we react?

In my mind, I would rather be cheated by a lazy person to guarantee that a few other underdogs get what they need. While there are still hungry and homeless in our country, our work isn't done.

---

A song by Derek Webb always stirs my heart.

My Enemies are Men Like Me

I have come to give you life

And to show you how to live it

I have come to make things right

To heal their ears and show you how to forgive them

‘Cause I would rather die

I would rather die

I would rather die than to take your life

‘Cause how can I kill the ones I’m supposed to love

My enemies are men like me

So I will protest the sword if it’s not wielded well

‘Cause my enemies are men like me

Peace by way of war

Is like purity by way of fornication

It’s like telling someone murder is wrong

And then showing them by way of execution

And I would rather die

I would rather die

I would rather die than to take your life

‘Cause how can I kill the ones I’m supposed to love

My enemies are men like me

So I will protest the sword if it’s not wielded well

‘Cause my enemies are men like me

When justice is bought and sold just like weapons of war

Oh, the ones who always pay are the poorest of the poor

So how can I kill the ones I’m supposed to love

My enemies are men like me

So I will protest the sword if it’s not wielded well

‘Cause my enemies are men like me

---

I ache as we struggle to extend our hands to those in need.  I ache as we go to war over and over again and innocent people die for a cause that I cannot name.  I ache for the hungry.  I ache for the cold.  I ache for those who are facing medical debt.

I ache because I know better, but I still don't always offer compassion.

I am grateful that I have opportunities to give compassion.

I am grateful that God is more compassionate and loving than we can imagine.  I celebrate His compassion, and I ask to be able to do my part to extend it to our world.

As we observe Good Friday, I thank Jesus for having compassion for all people.
Happy Easter

The Joneses are on Pinterest now!

One things on my mind recently is the cultural idea of "keeping up with the Joneses".  I'm sure that there has always been pressure to keep up with those around us.  The thing is that those "around us" has changed since the dawn of television and Internet.  We now can see the clothing, furnishings, homes, gadgets, etc. from people from all walks of life but perhaps most often the upper-middle class or above.

If you haven't become acquainted with Pinterest, you might want to consider it.  (Especially if you are not easily addicted to things...)  It is a wonderful place filled with hilarious pictures and sayings, tidbits of wisdom, ideas for crafts, ideas for about anything else that you can imagine, and so much more.  What it can also be is a place for a person to get sucked into while viewing picture after picture of "wants" which then somehow magically turn into "needs".

On Pinterest (or otherwise in life), I ache when I hear of or see my friends falling in love with big houses, fancy architecture, and state-of-the-art stuff.  I just get concerned that they are going to have big dreams that just aren't going to be fulfilled, and I am hoping that they will not be disappointed.  Or worse: bankrupt.

Now, before you get the wrong idea, I want to say that I'm not against having a dream or wanting to appreciate the gifts on earth that God gives.  I'm really not.  I am just concerned that the dreams that we tend to have may be so big and heart-consuming that they may make us unable to even see the gifts God does give us along the way.

I also wonder if setting our dreams on our houses and possessions will keep us from spending our money on that which we value.  In particular, I think that it may play a role in distracting us from the tireless effort of using our resources wisely both in what we buy and in what (and how much) we charitably give away.  I think that in our culture we must battle constantly to protect the portion of our resources that we wish to give away.  There will always be something that we want for ourselves, but there is greater blessing in doing good for others.

So, Dear Friends, please realize that the Joneses have shown up on the Internet, and you really don't have to keep up with them to be happy!  Have fun, admire peoples' ingenuity, and enjoy the beauty of the things that show up on Pinterest.  However, guard your heart and choose your dreams wisely.  Please don't become so impatient for the blessings that you hope come someday that you are blind to the blessings being poured on you everyday.  And please don't reach the end of your life and realize that you never did the good with your resources that you always meant to.   Just my two cents.

Keeping the Baby, but throwing out the Women with the bathwater

If you have been following the headlines much recently, you may have noticed that Susan G. Komen for the Cure has pulled its contributions to Planned Parenthood with the reasoning that they do not give money to agencies under investigation by Congress.

I know that a lot of anti-abortion people rejoice as Planned Parenthood loses funding.  I understand that Planned Parenthood performs many of our nation's abortions, and I guess that the idea is that if they aren't funded as much, then people won't have as many abortions.  I assume that the symbolism of crushing a huge abortion provider is also appreciated.

The thing that bothers me is that I haven't seen a single anti-abortion person or website acknowledge the fact that there will almost definitely be huge negative consequences for pulling funds from Planned Parenthood.  The consequences, in my opinion, deserve consideration.

Here is a side rant.  You can tell because it's in a new color.  While I want abortion to be gone from the world, there are a few reasons why I really struggle to label myself as "pro-life" in the political sense.  One of the reasons is that I feel like there is too much hypocrisy.  The pro-life politicians are the same ones that do not seem to be worried about providing for our poor.  They are the ones who often do not want the government to guarantee healthcare to everybody (instead letting the free market choose who gets healthcare, I assume).  They are the ones who are more likely to jump at going to war.  They are the ones more likely to support capital punishment.  It is fairly convenient to outlaw abortion.  It is incredibly inconvenient to be willing to give up our resources to help those who need it.  If I am going to jump on the "pro-life" train, I need to know that the train is not only concerned about the rights of the baby before it's born, but also the rights and health of the baby (and mother!) throughout life.  Until then, I continue to stand against abortion, but I view it as a cause that is intermingled with other causes that need to simultaneously be addressed if I say I believe in the value of all life.  Which I find that I do!

*ahem* Back to my main post.  The problem is that Planned Parenthood does more than provide abortions.  It is a huge provider of birth control, cancer screenings, preventative education, STD treatment, menopause treatment, etc.  The kicker?  75% of its clients have incomes at or below 150% of the federal poverty level.  (According to Wikipedia.)  This means that millions of poor women are using the Planned Parenthood facilities to participate in potentially life-saving activities.  Additionally, other services provided (like the STD treatment) are generally just improving the quality of life of the individual receiving treatment.

So why is no anti-abortion person talking about the fact that the defunding of Planned Parenthood will likely cause poor women to be less likely to receive the care that they need?  Why are we praising God that Susan G. Komen is removing its funding for cancer screenings?  Doesn't this appear to be callous?  Isn't there more to be talked about here?  

I think babies are incredibly important people, but I don't want to just keep the babies and throw out the women with the bath water.

Note: As I am about to publish this, I found that Susan G. Komen has decided to continue providing Planned Parenthood the grant money to provide cancer screenings and preventative education.  I hope that we can all agree to celebrate the lives that hopefully will be saved or bettered by the treatments provided through this grant money!

Second Note:  Regarding the investigation... I understand that if Planned Parenthood is illegally using federal funds then, from my understanding, it forfeits the right to those funds.  That is a separate issue.

Because things are complicated...

... I write this post.  I reposted this meme on Facebook yesterday:

I do not know where this image originally came from!  I found it here,
but they do not state where they got it from.

I then explained what I thought when I saw it:

"I suppose that some explanation would be good, too. I'm not positive what was intended by these photos, but what I see is the irony of people thanking God for food that was provided to them (so cheaply!) at the expense of the underpaid, overworked workers. Perhaps I'm reading too much into it though, and perhaps it's just making the point that we should be grateful for our farmworkers (especially since they don't get paid much... and they are part of the reason food is so cheap...)

I stand by the point of irony, though."

I think that some people may have interpreted my words as saying that the family was conscious at the time of thanking God that their food was likely provided by workers that were, in some peoples' opinions, unfairly treated.  That honestly wasn't what was happening in my mind.  I was just noticing that in our system, we end up regularly thanking God for His provision, and to me something is wrong with this because it is hard for me to say that "God's provision" is food provided by workers in horrible conditions.  Minus the provision of the sun, the rain, and the beauty of growing plants, I do not see a lot of God in our food system.  This is where I find unfortunate irony.

Before I continue, I want people to realize that I am not suggesting that families starve before buying unfairly provided food.  Life is not black and white.  We all have our own decisions to make and battles to fight.

Now, here is where I confess that I draw these conclusions on my own.  There is nothing in the Bible saying that the US food system is broken.  There is nothing stating how much farm workers should make.  There is nothing stating how often farm workers should get breaks.  There is nothing stating how much compensation they should get when they get injured doing their jobs.  It is not even a church teaching that leads me to my conclusions.  I have not yet found a church who openly speaks about these things.  It is my own personal convictions that lead me to want others to know more about our system so that they can make their decisions based on knowledge.  I do not claim to be God's voice although I believe that He is the root of my passion for these issues.  If you disagree with me, that is certainly your right.  I'm human.  It's a humble position.  I could be wrong.

If I am honest, though, I do personally believe that Christians are sorely lacking when it comes to responding to issues of social justice.  I think that this happens partially because the issues are very complicated and not very self-apparent.  When you buy green beans at the store, you probably don't even think about where it came from or who picked it.  This isn't because you are a bad person, but it is because it is not how our culture works.  However, I also believe this happens because Christians do not separate themselves from the rest of culture when it comes to consumer habits.  While we say that "whatever we do, whether in word or deed, we do it for the glory of God" (or at least make it our goal), I think that somehow our consumer decisions are often made based off of the black and white ethical guide of, "Can I afford it or not?"  While certainly it is good to avoid debt if possible, I believe that a lot more should go into the decision to purchase almost any sort of item.  Food is certainly one example.  Another example that has gone painfully ignored is the use of sweatshops around the world to create almost all of the consumer goods that we buy: clothing, toys, electronics, etc.  Unlike our food system, I do believe that it is widespread knowledge that sweatshops are a problem, but I do not observe that Christians have, in my opinion, reacted accordingly.

I know I am not perfect.  I do try to buy food from farmers making fair wages.  I do this by trying to buy most things from local farms and looking for the fair trade certification.  I buy what I can from the co-op in Corvallis since I know they research the origins of products as much as they can.  However, there is a chance that some of my food still comes from poorly treated workers.  I also try to avoid sweatshop labor by buying almost everything used.  However, even in the last year I couldn't find a used soap dispenser (which I wanted to buy to use for homemade tooth soap so that we could stop buying toothpaste), so I ended up buying a new one.  I looked, and it had the typical "Made in China" sticker, and I felt the pang of guilt, praying that the workers who made it were treated well and apologizing if they weren't.  I know I am not perfect.


It is with humbleness that I ask you to weigh my words in your heart and decide for yourself whether or not these are problems that you are called to address in your life.  I don't expect anybody will be perfect, but I think that with God we can change the world just by trying to do right!  I personally believe that our government can be used to effect positive change as well, and I encourage you to use your voice in our democracy.  However, I think it would be huge and beautiful if we all work to put our money in positive places.

Because things are complicated... I ask you to consider my words and ideas.
Because things are complicated... I come to you humbly.  I could be wrong.
Because things are complicated... I hope to give and receive grace if and when we disagree.

Thank you for all of you who take the time to read my words on this blog.  I hope that I generally come across as informative and maybe occasionally inspiring rather than judgmental and critical.  I love you all!

Karen's Creed of 2012

As I consider the last year or two, I realize that I have learned a ridiculous amount about our world, and I have been madly working to change my life in light of my discoveries.  As we start a new year, I think I want to just write a post that summarizes where I am at this point in time.  Obligatory Note:  My goal isn't to convince you that my beliefs are right and yours are wrong.

I do believe that my primary purpose on this planet is my spirituality which first involves how I relate to God and second involves how I relate to other humans.  I believe that God loves all people and all creation, and I believe that He sent Jesus to our little planet to show how much He loves us.  I believe Jesus was a great man giving a wonderful example of how to treat people, and I also believe that Jesus was and is God with us.  I believe that God miraculously and mysteriously invites all of us into a fulfilling relationship with Him through Jesus.  (I also believe that I don't understand fully how this works or why it works this way!)  I believe that it is important for me to have this relationship with God so that we can use His infinite love and power to decrease world suck levels because it's just so hard to do it on my own.  I believe that the Kingdom of God is here, and I can bring it to people if I love them with God's love.

I believe that I am called to respect and love those around me when they don't agree with my opinionated self!  I am grateful that I am allowed to speak freely, but I believe that God makes me responsible to pour out love and grace generously on those in my life, not to generate a list of people that I make it my project to "save".

I believe that through God I am motivated to be a positive force in the world.  I believe that my life is not my own but God's and others', and as a result I work to decrease the amount of time I spend striving to bring about my own gain.  However, I believe that there is a lot of joy in decreasing the amount of time I spend focusing on myself.  There are also challenges, fun times, friendships, fulfilling moments, and painful moments along the road.

I regretfully believe that I live in an overly selfish, self-absorbed culture that focuses on current gains over future losses.  As such, I work to put my life in order so that the way I live does not harm future generations.  Sometimes I fail, but I find joy in the changes in my life.

I believe that I live in a fast-paced culture that is too busy to eat nourishing foods, spend time with family and friends, and relax.  As such, I work to put my life in order so that I have time to live fully.

I believe that I am called to fight for our wonderful planet.  I believe Earth was a gift from God that we are supposed to care for so that it can continue to provide for us and delight us.  I believe that we have gotten off-track and out-of-control.  I believe in promoting inner peace and gratitude instead of materialism.  I believe in promoting sustainable agriculture and consumerism practices.  I believe that humans are happier when there is balance.

I believe that I am called to fight for social justice.  I feel strongly about my actions matching my words, so I research products and do my best to buy products that were not made by underpaid, overworked workers in dangerous conditions.

I believe that my life, family, friends, job status, and finances are all gifts from God.  As such, I am humbled because I know that we are blessed.  Instead of searching for material wealth in my life, I hope that I can successfully invest my time and finances back into the world to bring good changes.

I believe that every decision I make affect others both now and in the future.  As such, I try to make wise decisions.

I believe in giving grace as we all stumble about on this confusing and often seemingly cold planet.

I believe in receiving grace from God even as I regularly fail to give it.

As I go into 2012, I pray for a year of positive change!

What's going on out there...

I've been reading and listening to some interesting things this week, so I thought I'd share some of them here.

First up is an article about how large multinational corporations are marketing their junk food products to new people... the poor and malnourished around the world.  It really does bother me that corporations are willing to grow at the expense of the health and well-being of people.  Want to know what you can do to help?  My personal method is to do my best to avoid products from large companies unless I figure out that they're a good company.  Every time I spend money, I view it as a vote in my mostly capitalistic economy.  If you want something else to do, I think that it might also be good to write to corporations to let them know how you feel and why you will not buy their product.

The next article discusses the future of global warming and some geoengineering ideas of how to combat it.  It really scares me to have humans try to play with the atmosphere, clouds, etc to try to affect our climate.  I totally understand why they are considering these ideas, and I respect them for acknowledging that this would be a last ditch attempt to buy more time for humanity to stop destroying our home (you know, Earth), but I think that such a large-scale action that cannot really be tested in advance could also be devastating.  The idea of temperatures rising 11.5 degrees Fahrenheit over the next 90 years is overwhelming, too.  I know I will only be around so long, but I'd really like for my children and grandchildren to be able to live a peaceful life and enjoy our beautiful planet.  (To Christians who believe that Jesus will return and make it all better before any of this happens, I must say this:  You don't know that.  We have no guarantee that we won't destroy much of our population in the years to come.  God loves us, but He certainly is not obligated to miraculously save us from our own selfish actions, right?)  Want to know what you can do?  Take some time to learn about what's going on.  Be willing to change yourself.  Be willing to speak out at the political level.  Again, vote with your money.  Learn to live differently, and pray that your life will positively affect others.

Up next is a video of a young man speaking about how he was raised by a lesbian couple.  When I was adamantly against the legalization of gay marriage, I was asked why it mattered if a homosexual couple had the same legal rights as a heterosexual couple.  The reason that I was taught to give was that adopted babies wouldn't be given as good of a home to live in.  Now I just don't think this argument is fair, and I don't think it should be used.  I do think that children should having loving relationships with both men and women (opinion, not fact), but I think that a homosexual couple could ensure that this happens through extended family, church family, and other groups.  I know that not everybody out there agrees with me, and I think that everybody has the right to their own opinion, and they should vote for what they believe is right.  I just encourage people to think about their decision and be open to listening to God even if it might mean changing.  At this point in my life, I feel strongly that I need to support homosexual couples in their endeavor to be accepted in society.  I tend to believe that in 100 (or fewer) years, people will look back and view the efforts to prevent gay marriage similarly to how most of us view the efforts to prevent interracial marriage (which was also justified using the Bible).

Speaking of interracial marriage... Here we have an example of a church who still struggles to accept that it is truly alright.  If this isn't a humbling example of why we should keep our heart open to change, I don't know what is.  What comes to mind is: Live justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with God...  (Micah 6:8 for those of you who are amazed that I'd come up with something so lovely on my own... I didn't!)

I will leave you with a really neat story about a man who, to me, seemed to follow the teachings and show the love of Jesus.  I have no clue whether or not the man was intending to do so, but my heart tells me that God was in the details.

Angrrrrrrrrrrrr

In church recently, the pastor has been talking about emotions that get in the way of having peaceful, strong relationships with each other.  An interesting take on these emotions is that they generally result from a debt-debtor dynamic in the relationship.  For example, the emotion of the week is currently anger, and anger often results from a "you owe me" feeling.

I appreciate the chance to think about anger because it's something I feel fairly often, and I know that it's an emotion that can (and does) easily cause me to hurt people.  While I am not as explosive as I was as a teen, I find that when I am angry now, I do one of two things.  If I'm angry at you and I don't feel comfortable expressing that to you, I will likely keep my anger in and stew about the situation.  If I do feel comfortable expressing it to you (this would be you, dearest husband Matthew), then I am likely to express it through grouchiness, a bit of nastiness, and maybe an insult or two for good measure.

Neither of those reactions are particularly good because in one case, I am harming the relationship by holding onto really negative feelings.  In the other, I hurt Matthew through my words.

The pastor at our church talked about how in his experience (and through the verses Ephesians 4:31-32), he thinks that the answer to our anger lies in forgiveness.  I would add to this a healthy dose of compassion and understanding.  By forgiveness, he meant that we should figure out what we thought the person owed us, and then to consciously decide to cancel this debt.  This makes sense in my circumstances because my anger often stems from when I think people owe me respect, consideration, time, or thoughtfulness.  While someone may have legitimately wronged me, it is my choice to hang on to the anger.  The compassion and understanding come in because the action that caused anger may very well have been done without any intention of harm, or I may have misinterpreted an action or some words.

My anger for Matthew is generally spurred by the silly things.  I think that this is probably fairly typical for a married couple.  You might call the feeling "annoyance", but I think that it's a form of anger for me, at least.  He'll do little things in a way that seems totally wrong/illogical to me.  I can't even think of a specific example right now.  However, this little thing happening in a way that I don't want or expect, and I can be set off.  The thing is, though, that Matthew usually isn't even doing anything wrong, and I know that.  While some of the problems he could prevent by being more careful and thoughtful, many times I'm just expecting unreasonable things from him.  I think that another group of people who might experience our anger similarly is children.  I know that I'm going to get angry at my kids when I have them because I'm kind of a human being.  However, I think that it's good for me to start thinking about what should cause anger and what shouldn't.  For example, while a child might not always listen to me, I shouldn't automatically become angry.  Perhaps the child has a reason for not listening.  Perhaps I am expecting more from the child than he/she is able to handle.  While I'm not saying that I won't expect my kids to listen to me, I think that I will bear the responsibility of trying to fully understand each situation and not wrongfully accusing a child of being willfully disobedient.

I'm not going to say that I'm the best at forgiving people for things that they said or did.  I tend to replay conversations and events over and over in my head, and I can work up a good amount of anger doing this.  Even after realizing that I need to let things go, I can still try to pick things apart again later.  It's something I work on.

One thing that came up was the idea of reconciliation versus forgiveness without reconciliation.  I think that reconciliation is optimal, but I think that forgiveness can happen without reconciliation.  Sometimes I hold onto something little for so long, it's probably not even good to broach the subject any more because what is past is past, so I just need to forgive the person and move on.  However, sometimes I think it is totally appropriate to respectfully talk to a person about a problem in the hopes of coming to a reasonable agreement.  I personally think that this has to happen to keep a marriage as healthy as possible.  To me, it goes along with the vital need for open, respectful communication about pretty much everything.  Sometimes an agreement won't be met, and then the choice of forgiveness should be made.  Sometimes an agreement will happen, and forgiveness naturally occurs.

The pastor emphasized Ephesians 4:31 as it says to "get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior."  As such, he made it seem like the emotion of anger was to generally be avoided.  Maybe I misunderstood his intention though because I'm sure that he knows that Jesus expressed anger.  In fact, earlier in Ephesians 4, Paul writes that in our anger we should not sin.  Based on this, and the fact that verse 31 talks about "evil behavior", I feel fairly confident that we should not try to quell all anger but rather bear the responsibility for our actions and treatment of people.

In fact, I realized that I actually think that anger and discontent can be a good and healthy thing.  I think that it is good to get angry when people are being wronged.  I wrote a post last year about how I was angry as Wisconsin stripped their unions of their rights and power.  I thought of this as I considered this week's emphasis on anger, and I do not think that my anger was wrong.  In fact, I think that I had an appropriate response to my anger: Writing a blog post to express myself.  I honestly believe that it is appropriate to feel discontent and angry when people are being wronged, but we must always remain conscious of our actions.  If we use Paul's writings to justify complacency and lack of emotion for our fellow human beings, then I think we are missing the point.

I'd love to hear any other thoughts about anger that you might have!

The Occupy movement... money... life... and stuff

Unless I have written a post that I have forgotten about, I think that so far I have not said anything about the Occupy movement sweeping the nation.  I have mixed feelings about the movement.  I am so happy that people are able and willing to assemble to express their dissatisfaction about a system that has failed them (or not them, but people they know).  I am concerned that the movement has no clear direction and will thus fizzle out without causing change.  When doing a sit-in type protest, it seems like it is vital to have a list of demands.  With that, I actually really want to talk about the reactions to the movement that I have heard.  Not that this is a new thing to hear, but one recurring response is essentially the thought that the people participating in the movement are freeloaders who need to go get a job, any job, and stop trying to get pity.

It breaks my heart to hear people speak about the jobless, homeless, and penniless (especially when including debt like student loans) in this way.  It ignores the elephant in the room:  The way our system currently works does not give the same opportunity to every American in the room.  What's more, our system is not fair.

I can go on and on about what is unfair about our system.  It includes the fact that we bail out big banks while still foreclosing on peoples' home.  It includes the fact that not all public schools are created equal, and the richer your area is, the nicer the public school probably is.  It includes that fact that our government's decisions are being affected by the people with the most money more than those with no money.

I am an example of our unfair system.  My mom stayed at home with me and she and my dad both gave me a jump start in my education; I could even read before kindergarten thanks to my parents dedication to reading to and with me.  My parents also had enough money to give me a chance to be involved in sports and other activities through my K-12 education.  Being educated themselves, they helped me to value learning and education.  My dad, being a high school counselor, helped me prepare for college when I was in elementary school by teaching me to save my money and do my best in school.  Not only that, but by luck of the draw, my very genetics allowed me to get straight A's in high school.  Add the activities I participated in (thanks to my parents' ability to make sure I had transportation) and the fact that I happened to be in a small school, and I was a great candidate for scholarships.  I took my eighteen years of privilege to OSU, and I worked hard, and I got enough scholarships to live on each year as long as I lived frugally (which my parents also taught me to do).  I also finished needing summer jobs before the economic crash, so I could earn money each summer.  We also believe that possibly the only reason Matthew has a job now is that (through his own story of privilege) he had an internship at the company that hired him.  Matthew was applying to entry-level positions and never receiving a response despite his grades and internship experience.

I've had people tell me I've done a good job and that I have earned my achievement, and yes, I have worked hard.  However, it's just not fair.  What about the people who could have found stability if born into the same privilege?  What about the simple truth that I would almost certainly not be this well off if I hadn't been a product of all those factors that had absolutely nothing to do with my choices?

So, to me, it goes beyond asking for our system to be fixed of its glaring faults.  It's about being humble about my position of power and compassionate to those who have need, not from fault of their own, but because of circumstances out of their control.

I had three things that I was looking forward to as we exited college: starting a family, buying a house (and more importantly, some land), and having more money to give away.

We've always agreed as a couple that tithing (the literal 10%) is something we should do but should not ever be the end of our giving.  Even throughout college, we had a few extra good things that we made sure to support, but I felt that as we entered the middle class, we'd have a chance to do more.  Immediately upon Matthew starting work, though, I realized that it can take some time to save up for a down payment for a home.  While we don't need a house right away (or technically ever), I think it makes sense for us to own, and as quickly as possible, because I want to make good use of the space through gardening, storing food, maybe having chickens, allowing kids a space to run free and learn about the land, etc.  The "as quickly as possible" part comes from the fact that every month we are shelling out $770 in rent, and while some of that would be going to property taxes and the like, I'd say at least $500 a month is really going toward nothing.  I'd rather be using this money to pay off the house.

So, as we start making more money, I immediately start feeling like we need to make sure that we are saving a fair amount which terrifies me.  I am horrified about always feeling like I need something and, as a result, never giving as much as I can.  From what I have experienced, it seems that no matter how rich people are, they seem to always feel the need to hang onto their money.  People making $20,000 say that if they made even just $50,000, they could give more away.  People making $50,000 say that if they made $100,000, they'd give more away.  If we all do this, it's no wonder that there's a lack of "giving away" in this world.   Financially, and for the lifestyle we live, I still believe it makes sense to aim to own a house.  In the long run, this type of purchase can actually free up more money.

Before I fell asleep last night, I made a decision to remain open to giving freely even while we are saving for a home.  I have a couple specific things I plan to do, and the rest I hope to remain sensitive to.

May God poke me with a big stick if I ever lose passion for doing my part in this earth and instead gain interest in my own first-world wants.  If God seems to be holding off on poking me, it might be because He's hoping one of you will.  Please do!

The argument matters

I recently wrote a post about abortion, and since then I have been considering the stereotypical pro-life voice and why it makes me want to fight against it even when I think we agree that part of our well-wishes for the world include the wish that that there weren't abortions.  I have realized that, oddly enough, it is the way that logic is used to support the pro-life cause that is one of the biggest reasons that I felt like I couldn't support it.  I'll give you some examples that you almost undoubtedly have heard before.

"Life begins at conception."
This is certainly a valid viewpoint.  Certainly we can all recognize that a human life begins somewhere.  It is the use of the Bible to back this assumption that bothers me.  I don't think that there is any verse in the Bible to back this up.  I once had a person tell me that "God told us that He knit us together in the womb", and this was part of his/her rationale for the biblical support of a fetus being a human being.  From what I can tell, there are a few errors in that logic.  First, the verse in the Bible that he/she was referring to was Psalm 139:13 where the psalmist (David, in this case) told God, "For your created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb."  So, this is not God speaking, but David.  Of course, if one believes that what David was saying was inspired, inerrant truth from God, then the point still stands.  (However, I request that you read Psalm 139:21-22 and ask if the same logic can be used to say that God wants us to hate our enemies.)  Regardless of whether this was God's inspiration or simply David's poetic devotion to God, this verse says absolutely nothing about when God starts knitting us. It is still an unjustified claim that it is at conception when this process begins.

"Abortion is MURDER!!!"
This is of course assuming the first point, that life begins at conception (or at least by the time you realize you're pregnant.)  Of course, I'm not going to bother with discussing the point that murder is wrong.  However, I think that the question, "What is murder?" has been left unanswered or is incomplete, and this is fundamental here.  I think that the Christians saying this would probably answer that murder is the killing of an (innocent) human being.  (Tell me if I'm wrong!)  I add innocent because the pro-life camp generally tends to be for capital punishment (justified by the Old Testament stonings, or at least that was how I justified it in my past).  From what the Bible relates to us, God told Israel to go into nations and kill all men, women (including the pregnant ones), and children (including infants).  I think that infants are generally considered fairly innocent, so is God now commanding Israel to commit murder?   What about soldiers killing civilians (again including pregnant women and infants) in wars?  By supporting any war, are we supporting murder?  Perhaps at this point we redefine murder to be illegal killing or killing with malice aforethought, but then we've now defined murder to not include most abortions.  I suppose there is an occasional women who has malice aforethought when having an abortion, but as far as I know, most are just scared and concerned about the implications of bringing a baby into the world.

"If you believe in legalized abortion, you are going against God/are not Christian/are for murder/etc!"
I personally have never had anybody explain to me why followers of Jesus are required by the Bible to push for their own morals to become state/federal law.  I mean, I think we are all glad that we don't have some laws about morality so that we can stand together as a nation in the support of people not shooting people and not stealing others' possessions.  However, I have not yet heard, or found for myself, biblical justification for being mandated to regulate people at all (especially those outside of the Christian church).  Feel free to point me to a verse if you think that it provides the mandate to regulate.

It is funny for me to write this post since I have actually proclaimed all of these italicized things with righteous certainty at some point in my life.  I knew I was right and that I had God on my side, and it was a powerful feeling.  It was also really nice to feel like I could have all of the answers.  Doubt and ambiguity lead to some serious wrestling, and it's not always easy.

I write this post mostly to those of you who feel like I do: Concerned about women, concerned about babies, but also put-off by the pro-life arguments including the ones I listed, and many others, that we hear over and over.  I am personally worried that these arguments that we hear are doing damage as they frustrate people and damage the credibility of a legitimate cause.  For what it's worth, I personally feel like abortion, like miscarriage, is not the way God wishes for a pregnancy to be ended.  I believe that regulation for abortions should be on the political table; however, I think it is equally important to consider the underlying causes of these abortions so that we can serve women in a way that prevents unwanted pregnancies and supports and enables women once they become pregnant.  In the end, I can't find a verse in the Bible that tells us not to have abortions, and I certainly can't find a verse that tells us that we have to regulate abortion.  It is through various teachings about love, life, and helping those around us that in my heart I reach my conclusions about abortion.  It's subjective, but most of the decisions we make in life really are.  I'm doing my best.

Last night I stumbled upon this website, and I read a bunch of what they have on their website.  Gosh, I love that they make it clear that their genuine interest is in respecting and valuing women as well as babies.  Their target group is college-aged women since apparently that is a the group in which about half of US abortions occur, and I was filled with joy when their methods to help prevent these abortions was to empower women to be able to have their child and stay in school.  They also graciously acknowledge that most women really don't want to have an abortion, but the women also don't want to drop out of college, and women tend to think one or the other needs to happen.  It just thrills me that this organization works to help people in a way that does not condemn or judge them but rather gives women a new perspective about their worth and their ability to raise a child and not spend the rest of their lives in poverty.

A challenge for Christians

The rest of you are welcomed to join us, but you probably will find that you don't have the same problem. ;)

When I get all gung ho about Jesus in high school, I find myself split between my "Christian friends" and my "non-Christian or people-who-call-themselves-Christian-but-I-don't-consider-real-Christian friends".  I spend most of my time with my "Christian friends", but I make sure to be self-sacrificing and spend time with the other group too.  After all, Jesus loves those sinners.  Perhaps if I spend one more lunch period with them, they too shall be saved.  What kind of Christian would I be if I didn't sacrifice my time to try to save these people?  I just make sure to interject and let them know when they are saying or doing ungodly things so that they can become more aware of how wicked they are.  Plus, I don't want to stand for wickedness myself!  I must say something!  I am offended when they reject my faith.

Now in college, I start out spending time with different types of people, but I quickly wind up having almost a purely Christian social group.  I have my Christian roommate, my boyfriend's Christian co-op, my Campus Crusades Bible study...  Now I can pray for all these poor people in my dorm and classes who are off getting drunk on Thursday instead of worshiping Jesus!

In high school and college, I am offended by the swear words people say.  I am appalled by the girls' clothing.  I am shocked by pre-marital sex.  I am trying to keep myself from being contaminated by all of the horrible sin around me.  I am distressed when I must argue with yet another person about why my views about religion, abortion, homosexuality, politics, etc are Bible-based and thus correct!

I am telling Jesus that He made a mistake when He broke bread with sinners.  I am telling Him that they are too offensive.  I am telling Him that He should be trying to reason with them about truth instead of leading them there with love.  I am a Pharisee asking, "Why do you eat and drink with tax collectors and 'sinners'?" because even when I am around sinners, my attitude is not that of respect and unconditional love.  Jesus seems comfortable with these people.  He fits in without being aloof.  He is respected and loved.  He meets needs without making demands of people.

Jesus answered me, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick."

Here's the challenge, Christians:  Go through your Facebook friends and figure our what percentage of them are Christians.  What about your in-person friends?  What would you guess the percentage to be?  When you do spend time with your "non-Christian" friends, are you being their friend and meeting their needs, or is your only thought to chalk up another tally mark on your personal chalkboard for Jesus.  What actions show God's love?  What can you do to share the compassion, care and understanding of Jesus?

If you are like me during high school and college, you might be legitimately uncertain of how to act around people who don't know share your faith.  It took me years during college to change my very attitudes so that I could be graceful around people I didn't agree with.  In grad school, a few of my closest friends were lovely people that do not choose to follow Jesus.  They are still my friends even after moving away from them.  With these friends, I feel like I finally did a decent job of loving them and sharing my life and faith while remaining respectful of their right to choose their beliefs.  Here are some of the things I ran through my head to make sure that I remained Christian-but-not-obnoxiously-so:

• To be friends with anybody, I have to be able to give grace when I find I disagree.  I do this for my Christian friends, so I can do this for my non-Christian friends.
• I can acknowledge a person's opinions and beliefs without agreeing with them.  I appreciate it when others do the same for me.
•  I can also share countering beliefs... when appropriate.  I don't always have to make sure that people realize that I disagree with them.
• Loving someone doesn't mean interjecting "Jesus" into as many conversations as possible.
• It is OK to accept love and support from non-Christians.  

OK non-Christian friends... I've left you out for too long.  Thank you for being patient with me as I have stumbled in learning about how to be a Christian and a good friend.  Thank you for not abandoning me if/when I was obnoxious.  Thank you for listening to my beliefs and considering them (and not thinking I'm crazy for loving and following a man who lived, died and came back from the grave over 2000 years ago...).  Please feel free to talk to me any time about questions and thoughts about faith... even if you're telling me that you don't agree with me.  

The Oregon Food Bank

Since moving to Aloha, I have found that I have a fair amount of free time and no friends nearby.  To combat both of these issues, one of my thoughts was that I could volunteer somewhere.  I searched on Craigslist for awhile with no great opportunities popping out at me, but this past Saturday I somehow ran across the possibility of volunteering at OFB.  The Beaverton warehouse is about three miles away, so I signed up for a couple of hours today, and I ended up packing a bunch of frozen carrots into family-sized (3 pounds) packages for distribution.  I met a few nice ladies, and we ended up working with a group of students from a high school.  It turned out that in about an hour and a half or so, we prepared about 5,000 pounds of food for distribution which is a lot of food.  I really enjoyed doing this, and when I got home, I signed up for a few more shifts in the coming weeks.

For those of you who don't know much about this organization, it is a private non-profit that does a lot of work to try to prevent Oregonians from going hungry.  OFB is centered in Portland, but, if I remember correctly, the central Portland warehouse works with/feeds into 20 other warehouses across the state, and each of these warehouses works with smaller agencies that actually do the food distribution or cook the food for people to eat (like soup kitchens).  Even better, OFB is genuinely interested in helping prevent hunger, so they run free classes that teach people how to make good food choices to stretch their food dollars farther, how to cook inexpensive and nutritious meals, and how to grow gardens to produce their own food.  A couple blocks from the warehouse that I was working in was a garden that OFB runs, and they use this garden to teach people, and they also use it to create produce (5,000 pounds this year so far as of a few weeks ago) for the food bank.  Additionally, OFB advocates at a legislative level to speak for the hungry and poor in our state.

I really like the idea of doing something to help people be able to feed their families.  I think Jesus had compassion for the hungry, and I want to share in His vision for a world where people are not in need.  It would be very cool if we could all reach out to the people around us who are in need and spread our resources that way, but that is clearly not working, and I think that from my research and experience so far at OFB, it is a great (and perhaps efficient) way to reach out to people in need.  I maybe handled 100-200 bags of carrots today, so I feel like I'm now involved in that many people's lives.

Apparently Oregon is the "second hungriest" state, following Mississippi, I believe, in the nation right now.  The people in our state have been hit very hard by our economy, and OFB is distributing record numbers of emergency food boxes.  From the OFB website, "As a result of growing levels of long-term unemployment, 260,000 people per month eat meals from emergency food boxes. Of those, 85,800 are children. For the first time ever, Oregon Food Bank distributed more than 1 million emergency food boxes in fiscal year 2010-11."  People are hungry!

If you are interested in working with OFB, visit their website.  If you want to find your regional center, you can find that here.  You can also dig around a bit to find local agencies to work with if you want to be a part of actually distributing the food to people.  Of course, OFB takes donations, too.  They accept food donations, and if you find your region's food center, you should be able to either find a list of drop-off sites on their website, or you will be able to find a number to call to ask for this information!  If you want to get more food for your dollar, I'd recommend donating money directly to OFB.  By using their connections and by buying bulk, they can get four pounds of food for a dollar, and that's just impressive.
I think that's all I can think of to say for now, but please let me know if you have any questions!

Family Life Update - Jobs?

About a month ago, Matthew and I graduated!  (Yet again!)  We went to commencement this time, and it was nice to be able to attend a final celebration as we moved on in life.

Move on indeed!  In May, Matthew found a job opening at a company in Corvallis that was looking for a mechanical engineer.  Not only was the company in our beloved town of Corvallis, but it was also dealing with energy sources in a variety of settings which is one area that really interests Matthew.  Matthew had a phone interview in May and an in-person interview June 6th.  Seven weeks into the process, we finally get an email saying that the company chose to only hire an electrical engineer now.  They are trying to strategically hire to avoid lay-offs later, and they hope to hire a mechanical engineer in the "very near future."  They said that they'd contact Matthew when they are able to hire a mechanical engineer, so we still have a sliver of hope.

However, life doesn't always work out how you dream it any given moment, so we are remaining open to other paths.

The problem is that paths do not seem to be appearing!  As such, we exist in a perpetual state of "summer vacation."  While I am happy, especially for Matthew, that this can be a time of reading, rest, and fun, it leaves us in a very odd position in our lives.  At any moment, Matthew could be called in for an interview (to the one position that he has found to apply to...), and within a matter of weeks, we could move to far-off, foreign places like Eugene, Salem or Portland!  It makes commitments challenging whether it be to commit to work with people on something or to commit to growing some food on the balcony.

I did decide to tutor for the family that I've worked with the last two years.  If I have to leave in the middle of summer, I have a replacement lined up, so I felt like this commitment is alright.  I like seeing the kids grow up, and it's fun to work with them now that they are going into the murky waters of adolescence.  (They are going into 7th grade this next year.)  They ready to learn, and I'm doing my best to help them have a solid understanding of math while maintaining a fun, pressure-free environment.  I say ridiculous things and they laugh at me, so I think we're OK.

Another thing that I did was apply to an online tutoring service.  Matthew's uncle suggested considering it since he knew someone that seemed to really enjoy it as a job.  As I started the process, I went in calm and collected, and as I come near the end, I emerge frantic and frazzled.  I have easily spent 12-24 hours filling out forms, taking subject tests, writing essays, reading procedure manuals, and watching videos.  As each of those hours went by, my anxiety increased.  When I did my "mock session" where an employee pretended to be a student and I played the role of the tutor, my heart almost leaped out of my chest onto the keyboard when the problem was something I had never seen before.  (Seriously.  Who learns how to find the equation of a parabola using the vertex and the focus?  Anybody???)  I looked it up online quickly, and I figured out how to do it once I calmed my heart down to a mere 150 bpm, but it was a panicked 30 seconds.  For the record, I think I did OK in the mock session.  If they don't choose to take me on as a tutor, I think that their main reason would be that I maybe go at a slower pace than they want in an online environment.  I tend to try to get to a hard-core understanding when I tutor so that people learn math and not a process, so if that's what they want, that's what they'll get.  If not, I totally understand.

Doing this has led me to feeling some overwhelming negative emotions that I've dealt with since I was a teenager (if not before... I just know that I dealt with them as a teenager because I've been reading through my old diaries with Matthew):

• Pride.  I haven't even told more than a few people that I am applying to tutor online.  Why?  Because I don't want to be embarrassed if they decline me.  I'm a licensed teacher for goodness sake! This is supposed to be what I'm good at!  If I fail at things that I care about, I feel horrible and embarrassed.   This is why I avoided working with kids for years.  I really want to be good with kids, and I was horrified that people would think that I wasn't adequate.  
• Feelings of complete inadequacy.  I always feel like I'm going to fail at things.  That's why I always work so hard.  (That and I'm prideful.  See the above bullet.)  Yes, dear Christian Friends, I know that God makes me strong and brings me through everything I do in life.  However, that doesn't change my gut emotions.  I'm not proud of how I feel.  (Though I am proud of plenty of other things!  Really, see the above bullet.)  I'm just getting it out there.
• Fear of new things/commitments.  Unless things/commitments seem like they are clearly right/fun/happiness-causing, they often horrify me.  Some of them I get used to like when I transitioned from middle school to high school.  Some of them continue to horrify me the entire duration like my busing job one summer.  However, in general, they all horrify me at the beginning.  I feel like I will fail (see bullet two), or that I will be miserable doing whatever it is that I'm considering doing.  Often I find that I am just fine or even very happy when I push myself to do things, but sometimes I'm not.  Online tutoring frightens me because it feels very sanitized and lacks the emotion, laughter, personal connection, and relationship that I enjoy when tutoring students in person.  Perhaps I will find other things to enjoy about online tutoring, but it's scary until I adjust.  I also am afraid that people will find me to be lacking at online tutoring skills (see bullet two.)

So, this process has left me in a funk where I have to snuggle Matthew to fall asleep because when I'm nervous I need to snuggle.  This can only continue so long because Matthew likes to roll over at night, and it's challenging when the wife never left his side of the bed like she usually does before settling in to sleep.

Speaking of Matthew, I guess this was supposed to be a family update.  He's his usual self.  He's a great reader of books whose only vice is playing too much DDO.  Alright, alright.  You win.  He has other quirks and issues!  He's very stable though, and he's not easily ruffled.  While it takes me a page to vomit my emotions, he answers, "Not much?" when I spontaneously ask him, "Do you have anxiety?"  Well, good for him.

Anyway, I haven't quite hit on everything that is happening in our world, but I did talk about jobs as promised in the title!

Hey... I don't know everything... I care about stuff. Oh, and I love you.

Warning:  Rambly post to encompass large amounts of rambly thoughts.

Recently I have become aware that I might perhaps cause people to feel guilty or feel judged by me when I talk about some of my beliefs, so I wanted to write a post that addresses these issues.  To start off, it literally makes me shake when I consider causing people ill-feelings.  My adrenal glands go overtime.  My heart rate increases, my blood pressure rises, and I perhaps might find it difficult to fall asleep that evening.  I don't enjoy confrontations, and I absolutely hate making people feel bad.

I used to avoid these feelings by avoiding expressing my opinions on controversial subjects.  In the past, I would (with great amounts of effort and anxiety) express opinions and beliefs about God because the good evangelical Christian in me felt like it was my duty.  I've mentioned before that I think that these encounters were probably largely ineffective because they were done out of the wrong motives and in an awkward manner.  I generally avoided conversations about politics (although I of course knew that my political opinions were the righteous ones!) because I justified political uninvolvement by claiming that it was futile anyway and God was in charge.

Of course, to add to the ridiculousness of my beliefs, in the last year I became part of a new group known for its judgmentalism: environmentalists!  Now, no matter what you do, it's pretty likely that one facet of my beliefs will allow me to judge you.  Bahahahaha!

The fact that I am a prideful person in general made it really easy to judge people in the past.  Fortunately, God didn't like that version of me very much, and he allowed me to learn a very important lesson a few years ago.  I learned that I don't know everything, don't understand everything, and don't have everything figured out.  That alone was enough to make me tolerable when I talked about my beliefs to people who didn't agree with me.  And my friends will tell you that they know I do believe things.  I'm not wishy-washy, and I don't hide things.  I think that I just finally learned how to relate to people (and maybe how to love them?).

In the past year, I have learned a lot about the environment, and you might see me developing opinions.  Some of them are strong.  It's true.  I do get frustrated at how systems work.  I get frustrated at apathy and brokeness.  I feel anxiety about the world that we will hand to our children.  I am concerned about quality of living for all of earth's citizens.

But I am not mad at you.  I may sometimes wish you did something differently.  I might believe that there is a better way to do some things.  But I make a huge effort to care about you over any ideas or anything else running through my mind.  Just getting that out there.

So why do I continue to write if I know that it might cause people to feel guilty or feel judged?  Because I feel passionately, and I am compelled to share what I am learning and experiencing.  I could hold it in and discuss it only with people that I carefully test out to see if they agree with me, and that would probably be a lot more comfortable for me. However, that wouldn't allow me to share myself fully with many people, and I think that I probably have something to offer to the people who are around me.  (Similarly, I believe you all offer things to me!  And thanks!)  Additionally, I feel like God is asking me to use my words to take a stand for challenging issues so that people will perhaps think about them.  I love it when people think (and even act) meaningfully about God, society, culture, the earth, consumerism, money, the poor in our world, our place on earth, justice, and other hugely complicated subjects.  While I'm certain that I bring attention to these topics, I only hope that I bring something meaningful and significant to the table when I speak.

I also want to make clear that I still understand that I don't know everything.  I don't.  I'm trying to figure things out, and you can even watch me do that through this blog.  If I didn't believe something passionately, I wouldn't make a fuss; however, I understand that you might come to a different conclusion or that even the same conclusion might bring different results in your life.

So, yes.  I care about things a lot.  I want to live the best life I can doing as much good for as many people as I am asked to by God.  I'm not always good at it, but it is what I want.  My blog is the place that I use to share what I am learning about, thinking about, and creating beliefs about.  Even if you find out that we disagree about things, it doesn't mean that I will focus on disliking you when I watch you act differently than I would.  I don't write to cause guilt, but I will be joyful if I can cause meaningful thoughts or changes in a life.  And hey... I don't know everything... I care about stuff.  Oh, and I love you.

What Disappoints Me About the Republican Party... and the US in general

First of all, if you consider yourself a Republican, please do not consider this a personal attack.  I am not thinking of individual people when I write about the Republican party.  Rather, I am addressing what I think I have seen the party as a whole doing during my lifetime because this is how I can take part in our democracy!

Let's start with some common ground.  The Republican party stands against abortion.  I prefer to think that the party is genuinely interested in the mothers health and well-being and the potential life of the unborn.  I absolutely agree that it is sad that our society has become so casual about human life, and with about 0.8 million abortions each year in the US (according to Wikipedia), we must realize that it certainly has gone beyond cases of rape, incest, and medical emergency.

So, well done Republican party for taking a stand for the health and well-being of humankind and for the value of life.

Except I'm not buying it.  Why?  Because it appears that once that infant is born the mercy, compassion, and fight for justice within our government is gone.  Where is the mercy when bullying to make sure that tax breaks for the rich continue while programs for the poor and for the environment are forced to be cut?  Where is the compassion when the Republican party refuses to cut our defense budget and in fact increases it while our nation is in desperate need of progress in education, workers' rights reform, environmental and energy reform, increase food safety, better availability of health care to the poor, and a ream of other problems?  Where is the fight for justice as the Republican party deregulates and fights laws that protect workers, help unions, aid the poor, protect the land, and limits the crushing hand of corporations?

I don't see it.  I don't see mercy, compassion or a fight for justice, and it makes the Republican party's fight against abortion seem weak.  I think it is weak because this party doesn't seem to mind making laws and budget cuts... as long as it doesn't limit themselves or cause themselves to make a sacrifice.  Despite being the party that is supposed to be standing for God and morality, I don't see this because I do not see compassion, mercy, a passion for justice, or humility.

This is not just the Republican party's issue though.  It is our country's issue.  Why do we throw away about 14% of our food instead of taking the time to plan properly and store leftovers in the fridge or freezer properly so that we can give that money to the hungry?  Why do we demand increasingly larger homes that we fill with more and more stuff?  Why do we ignore the fact that the "Made in China" sticker often means that people in unsafe factories are working long hours, possibly with dangerous chemicals, to provide us with our "new toys"?  Why do we only have vague understandings about where our products come from, what they are made out of, where they go after we finish using them, and the total cost to the environment and humanity when we are living in a consumerist culture where these products are a huge part of our lives?

This is why I'm disappointed.

It's not that I can't see a good Republican party that fights for mercy, justice, and compassion for the unborn... and the already born.  I can.  I can see it fighting for the rights of all people.  I can see it working with the free market while admitting that the free market alone has its problems that need to be addressed.

It's not that I can't see more American people becoming concerned with the world around them.  I can.  I can see people using the Internet to become more aware about the products that they buy.  I can see people buying less and using fewer of the resources that we should be sharing with the rest of the world.  I can see people valuing time over money, others' needs over their "rights", and giving up an irresponsible amount of convenience.

I believe in this change that will lead to more fulfilling, less guilt-ridden, morally responsible lifestyles, but I think that we have to be honest with ourselves to get it.  I think that a lot of you readers may have read this and thought, "I'm on the good side!  I'm doing my part!  I'm doing the best I can!"  But are you?  As I grew into an adult, I became aware of the issues that my lifestyle came with, and at first I said the same thing.  Now I know that I wasn't doing my part.  I still wanted all the stuff that the shelves of the store offered.  I wanted to be able to drive wherever I felt like going.  I wanted to enjoy the conveniences of our plastic-wrapped world. I wasn't able to do my part until I realized that I wasn't doing my best.  Only then was I able to choose to daily do better.