Canning tomatoes!

I canned for the first time today!!!  How exciting!  I canned tomatoes because we use crushed tomatoes fairly often, and I found a u-pick place in Corvallis.  Its website is here if you're in the Corvallis area and interested in getting some tomatoes.  We got about 58 pounds for $35, and it was really fun!  The tomato plants just sprawl on the ground, so it's like an Easter egg hunt when looking for the ripe, red tomatoes.  If you are interested in canning, I recommend the Tattler canning lids that we got because they are reusable and BPA free.  Anyway, I'm just kind of exciting about canning the first time.  It's really cool to pick our own food at a local farm and then store it away so that we can eat it over the winter.

Enjoy the pictures!

58 pounds of tomatoes

Part of my fleet of canning jars.  I only used 14 today.

Making a mess...

It's a pumpkin tomato!

Simmering away...

The 14 quarts of deliciousness...

Weddings!

I've been thinking about weddings recently!  I went to one last weekend, and I sold my own wedding gown today, so it's just been on my mind.  Part of what I have been thinking about is how much I have changed in the last three years and how different our wedding would look as a result.  I'm not saying that I am not happy with our wedding, I really am.  My family and friends were there, and it was a really beautiful and happy day for us. However, it's kind of fun to consider what would have been the same and what I would have changed.

I did pretty much all of the planning myself which I didn't mind doing being it was a welcome study break throughout that year!  I figured out the food, attire, decorations, photos, and other details, and I made sure they all came together.  It's not that I didn't have help; I did, but I was pretty much "the planner".  I would do a lot of it the same.  I baked my own wedding cake, and I frosted it with some help from my now sister-in-law.  I also baked some of the food for the reception; some Amish friendship bread and some chocolate chip cookies.  The rest of the food my mom, my bridesmaids, and I prepared the day before the wedding.  I think that it was really fun to do this, and I remember the excitement of the day as my friends and I made my plans come to fruition.  I ordered flowers wholesale, and a lovely lady from the church volunteered to arrange them for me.  I used a fair amount from the church, too, like vases, pedestals, tablecloths, etc.  My friend from high school did our photography, and I had a couple family members with video cameras catch the footage.

I think that the biggest things that I would change are the attire and the flowers.  My wedding gown cost $600.  Because our wedding was put together by ourselves and our family and friends, it was not a terribly expensive wedding by the end of things, so I decided to splurge on the dress.  Mind you, I realize that $600 isn't even that much compared to many dresses, but it was a LOT to me.

It is pretty though, no?  However, I think that if I was getting married now instead of then, I would have either rented, found a gown used, or ditched the "gown" idea altogether and found a nice white dress that I could wear for more than just the wedding.  I did decide to sell my dress, and I finally sold it today for $40 to a friend-of-the-bride who wanted to buy a dress for someone who couldn't afford one herself.  I'm happy that it sounds like it will be put to good use, but it took me 2-3 years to sell it, and it didn't sell until I listed it as $150 or best offer.  Tux rentals were also fairly expensive, and that could have been saved by going with a more casual feel for the attire.  Additionally, my bridesmaids bought their own dresses.  While they weren't particularly expensive for bridesmaids dresses (I think they were about $70) and I let them wear any black shoes that they wanted, I doubt that any of them ever wore the dresses again.  Hopefully they sold them, too!  I think that I would be less picky about the dresses now.  Perhaps they'd wear something they already had?  Or we'd find something they'd wear again?

The other thing I'd change is the flowers.  I learned only recently that so many of the cut flowers that we get are actually grown a) in another country..., b) often in a poor country, and c) on land that probably should be used to supply food to people in said poor country.  With this new knowledge, if I got married now, I would feel like I should use locally sourced flowers and greenery that was in season.  This might have involved me being less picky again, but I would be happy to feel like I was doing something good for the earth and not supporting big farmers that are making it hard for people to grow food in their own countries!

I'm sure that other decisions would have been made slightly differently along the way, but these are just things that come to mind.  I'm not exactly itching to get married again soon, so if you are ever interested in talking about what you can do to make your wedding fun, friendly for the earth and the people on it, inexpensive but beautiful, etc., let me know! :)

I don't mean to make you jealous...

... but my kitchen contains perfection.  Each time I've walked into the kitchen this evening, the perfection has caught my eye, and I just stand there goggling ridiculously.  See that?  It's an heirloom tomato from the Farmers' Market making friends with some basil from my own basil plants.  In the not so far future, they shall be eaten together in a tomato, basil, mozzarella sandwich.  And it will be amazing.  To be clear, there are other players in this scene of perfection.  There is a large jar of wheat flour ready to be made into bread at a moment's notice.  Additionally, the bamboo cutting board and knife are just chilling after being utilized to chop up some basil for tonight's dinner.  Finally, there are some beautiful mugs dangling from a mug tree while waiting until the next time they are filled with a hot, delicious cup of tea.  See?  Perfection.

Mawwiage is what bwings us togethew...

And wuv, twue wuv, wiww fowwow you fowevah...  Like an adorable puppy, one would presume, because that's exactly how love works!  :)


On the eve of our third anniversary, I am here re-contemplating the vexing passage of the Bible where Paul suggests to the Ephesian wives that they should submit to/obey/support/be subject to (or whatever verb your translation uses) their husbands.  Here I stand as a woman in the 21st century still trying to decide what exactly this verse means to my marriage.  I am wary of Paul's writings about women because I think that they have been used widely to crush women.  I think the writings have been used to keep women from being as productive, contributive members of society as possible.  I don't mean to necessarily blame Paul; I'm sure that I can hardly understand the culture and society of his day.  I also can't easily fathom what it would be like in a society where women were not educated and were generally not valued as much as a man.  (I pause to acknowledge that some women still suffer from this condition, but I feel like we have at least progressed greatly as a whole.)  Perhaps he was just helping his followers find order in the society they lived in.  Or perhaps we still don't quite understand Paul's intent.


I think that from my conservative Christian background, I had the impression that submission to my husband would mean giving in and letting him have his way whenever we disagree.  Fortunately, I did not come from a tradition where submitting meant obeying as a child would (even being subjected to physical punishment), although I have read writings written by people from that tradition.  I remember that when Matthew and I were engaged, my dad was concerned about using the traditional phrase, "to honor and obey."  Since these vows were the promises we were making to each other for life, it was a fair concern.  If I made that promise, I would be promising to follow Matthew and go along with what he chose for us without a fight... even if I knew it to be wrong. ("Why yes, honey!  Let's have our children get married at the age of six years old so that we can make sure we get to choose their spouse!  I'm your wife, and it's your idea, so it must be a good idea because I don't want to get spanked!" We didn't ever use that phrase in our vows, for the record.) 


My dad was even concerned with the word "submit" (which we also didn't end up using), and this I remember discussing with him at length.  At that point in life, I believed that the Bible was the Word of God that was to be taken literally at face value.  My translation told me that I was supposed to submit, so I was supposed to submit, of course!  Looking back now, I can recognize that in my conversations with my dad I didn't really know what it meant practically to submit to a husband in the first place!


I have shocked and appalled some people by now.  I say that because old-Karen would have been shocked and appalled!  I want to say that I absolutely care about how Matthew and I relate in marriage.  I want the peace and joy between us that comes from loving each other sincerely and a deep faith in God.


I just don't want to do it blindly, and I want it to be as true and healthy a relationship as possible.


Here is what I've been thinking about how we relate to each other recently.  We both consider each other's opinions and needs when making decisions.  Instead of doing whatever is best for ourselves, we work together as a team to live a fulfilling life that makes both of us happy.  For example, if I was single I would not be considering moving to Beaverton right now!  I think that I'd stay in Corvallis and work at LBCC or OSU.  However, we work as a team, and I will happily follow him where he goes because it benefits both of us in the long run.  Additionally, neither of us always wins.  Matthew, being the bigger introvert, prefers staying at home almost all the time.  I, being the lesser introvert, merely want to stay at home much of the time!  Sometimes we go out when he wants to stay in, and sometimes we stay in when I want to go out.  We both make sacrifices since we cannot change these inherent parts of our personalities.  We don't always agree on everything, but we listen to each other and try to understand each other and respect the other person's conclusion.  We both try to maintain peace by putting the other person's needs before our own.  Matthew washes the dishes sometimes even when it's my turn because sometimes I'm just tired or grumpy.  Now that's love.


Once again, disclaimer: I'm not saying that our marriage is perfect.  However, it in general feels very balanced, sustainable, and peaceful.  We do have our own set of personalities, so our marriage probably looks very different than other marriages that are 'equally successful'!

Perhaps the point is that regardless the time and age, husbands and wives need to do what they need to do to cooperate and get along in a manner that promotes love, peace and a happy household.  However, I don't know if I've ever heard a sermon or even many discussions about the idea about how husbands and wives relate that really get into the actual nitty gritty, day-to-day understandings of how husbands and wives relate to other in this day and age.  I feel like there is often a fear of dishonoring God or being blasphemous if we don't stick to the well-worn words about how women are supposed to be submissive (and subservient...) to their husbands.  I tend think that God can handle a sincere and thoughtful questioner, and I believe that He'd just love for us to search for a meaningful understanding of the bigger truth about marriage that can't even begin to be contained in a book.  So I think that we're free to discuss, be thoughtful, ask God, and look for some applicable truth in the matter!

On the vows note, here are our vows from three years ago:

"Today, Karen/Matthew, I take you to be my wife/husband.
I make a commitment to you today:
With God's help I will love and serve,
Honor, and protect you.
I'm choosing today
to spend the rest of my life with you.
I will walk with you when life is good,
and thru every storm.
Karen/Matthew, you are a gift to me from God.
I hope others see His heart and love,
in the way I care for you.
Today, I pledge my love to you."


And I still mean every word!  I love you, Matthew!

Sometimes I just fail

That's what I decided today.  But for some reason I feel like I'm supposed to be good at everything that I do and to never give up at anything.

I did some tutoring online yesterday, and it just was awful.  It was partly because the online classroom stopped working properly during one session, a student disappeared in the middle of another, and I was helping a calculus student who still didn't know how subtract fractions with different denominators in another (admittedly, the denominators had variables in them, but still!).  All in all, the communication through typing was slow and painful, and drawing on the whiteboard with my mouse was sloppy and tedious.  I felt like nobody had any clue what I was saying, and I was struggling to be more clear as I was unable to point at something and talk simultaneously.  At the end of two and a half hours, I just felt horrible and like I had helped absolutely nobody.

I went to sleep last night still stressed out, and I woke up with this feeling of dread because I had another hour of tutoring scheduled for today.  I finally just burst into tears as I was bringing in the laundry from the line.

That fact is, I felt like a failure.  And at something I am 'supposed' to be good at!

After crying at Matthew for awhile and letting him know how horrible and pathetic of a person I am, I decided once and for all to quit tutoring online.  It has just made me become extremely stressed out and feel like an inadequate human being.  And why should I do this if it makes me a completely miserable human being?

Yet, I feel like I have failed (or just hated) just about every job I've had.  My boss horrified me when I was a lifeguard, plus it was fairly boring staring at a pool for eight hours at a time.  As a busser, I felt like I could never go fast enough, and one of the managers made me want to die when she hissed, "We serve ice water here," at me after I failed to get an ice cube from the pitcher into the glass at one table.  I was kind of bad at getting enough ice to go into the glasses without splashing water everywhere, so I tended to be cautious and I sometimes didn't get ice into the glass.  I enjoyed landscaping at OSU except for the fact that half of the days I felt like I was going to die from heatstroke.  That was my first summer away from the always-60-degrees Oregon coast.  My next summer I learned that I didn't enjoy wrestling with MATLAB daily.  That following year, I did my student teaching and woke up daily feeling like I was going to throw up.  That summer, I started tutoring some rising 5th graders which was way outside of my comfort zone as a human being who had been trained to work with high school students as who grew up managing to mostly avoid dealing with children (not intentionally... I just never had much of an opportunity.)

However, I quickly figured out how to tutor those kids adequately, and I have been with them for three summers now, and I'm really loving it this summer.  I also started as a teaching assistant at OSU in the fall, and while I was nervous for the few classes, I quickly learned to be confident and happy, and most of my students really liked me.

So I'm not a complete failure!  I just feel really bad about how badly I've done at so many things...  I feel dread when I consider doing most jobs.  I hate the idea of working a full-time job.  I feel like either private tutoring or teaching part-time at a community college might be the only places I could work without living with constant panic and adrenaline surges.

This makes me feel kind of bad at this point in life though.  I feel kind of like there's a lot of pressure to work a bunch.  But I don't really want to, and Matthew wants to, so what's wrong with that?

It's not that I'm lazy either.  I promise I'm not.  I like staying busy, and I enjoy cooking, cleaning (although I'm not a huge fan of doing dishes for some reason, I'm not going to lie), and doing other jobs.  I also have never minded volunteering.  For some reason, doing the same job while volunteering makes me feel less stressed out.  I feel like fewer eyes are on me and I'm being judged less.  My last term in college, I volunteered in one classroom where I had done student teaching, and I was happy as a clam doing that.

I just feel weird when I realize that my aspirations for life are to cook, clean, grow a garden, make things, raise kids, and volunteer.  Not that I think that those are bad aspirations.  I just feel like people don't really respect them.  I think that's why I tell people that my goal is to teach community college or tutor when they ask.  I think I do want to do these things, but they're not really my greatest aspirations.  When you've gotten a Master's degree in mathematics, it just is hard to expect good reactions from people when you say you want to be a "housewife" or "stay-at-home mom".

This makes me think about my brother.  I think he's right when he talks about how our education shouldn't be thought of as just a means to an end where the end is a career.  My education has changed how I think, how I understand and view people, and really my life in general.  I have no regrets about the six-years of hard work, tears, confusion, and challenges that I faced at OSU.  Even if I barely use the particular bits of information that I have gleaned, the changes in my brain will stay with me.

So there you have it.  I kind of suck at jobs.  However, I bake a mean loaf of bread, I keep a home clean, warm and cozy feeling, I love to make things grow, and I like picking my food and "putting it up".  I look forward to pouring my life into my kids when I have some someday (hopefully not too many years from now), and as I pour, I will be sharing my six-years of college experience through how and what I teach my children.

I apologize if my recent posts have seemed different and less appealing to some of you!  I feel like a lot of my blog has been created as we move forward in life, and as we spend this time waiting for our next assignment in life, it has been more challenging to move forward because some things may have to change based on where we live next.  However, I think this time has been good for me as I learn about myself, figure out what's important to me, and learn to wait patiently (or at least try/pretend).  I'm sure we'll be moving forward in the next few years as we learn what it really looks like to not be in college, hold a job, have kids (hopefully), etc.  And hopefully that forward motion will start soon. :)

Knitted quilt... Part II

 Remember this guy?  I knitted him, and sewed him together... and he lasted about a week.  I just wasn't happy with how the colors blended when they were in blocks like that!  So, I untied all of the knots, unraveled all of the squares...

... and made this guy!  Granny squares to the rescue! It took some extra effort, but I'm glad I did it.  I am much happier with the results.  

The colors still look a little funny in the picture... the red really isn't that weird looking, I promise. :)

Here's where I got the tutorial for the granny squares in case you're interested!  I used a pretty big crochet hook because I wanted big squares, and I wasn't worried about having a bunch of big spaces in the blanket.

Cooking without plastic

I recently decided to ditch our nonstick pans.  Teflon, which is the coating that makes the pan nonstick, is a plastic.  While it is generally considered safe to use these pans at a medium heat, I decided to just go ahead and get rid of them before they figure out how unsafe they are.  It just seems like plastic and food don't go together, and especially as I consider having kids in the next few years, I figure I might as well do my best to play it safe. Fortunately, many people do want nonstick pans, so ours sold quickly on Craigslist.  I found some used Revere pots on ebay, I already had a big stainless steel skillet, and I borrowed (stole?) a couple of cast iron skillets from my mom since she said she didn't really use them anyway.

If you have nonstick pans, you can't use metal utensils on them!  As such, we also had a set of plastic cooking utensils that we put up on Craigslist yesterday.  We found the replacements for the essentials at Goodwill for a couple dollars each, and we already had some of what we needed in bamboo that we didn't have to replace.

Our old set came with a plastic bucket thing to hold the utensils.  When I knew I was going to make the switch, I got a coffee can from my mom so that it could hold our utensils.  Of course, an added benefit of this was that I could decorate it however I chose!  Today I got around to painting some adorable little birds onto my can.  I'm very pleased by how it turned out!  What a cheerful container of utensils!

So there you have it, we've made the switch!